Love Is A Battlefield
by yomomma222
Summary: Sequel to The Rocker, The Shocker, and The Show Stopper.  Rachel is ready to take things to the next level with Puck but he isn't as willing.
1. Chapter 1

Rachel sat across her dining room table from Santana and Brittany, looking down in embarrassment while Santana's face was contorted in something that was a mix between anger and confusion and Brittany, well, Brittany had spent twenty minutes staring at the light fixture hanging above the table. Team unity in the Glee Club had been off the charts since they won Nationals five months prior and the friendship between the three girls is one of the reasons said unity was possible. If Santana Lopez and Rachel Berry could walk through the halls, arms linked together, and laughing hysterically at who knows what, then it wasn't unthinkable to imagine a more peaceful world entirely. It was now October of their senior year and, aside from the occasional hour long or two day break up, Rachel and Puck had been happily together ever since.

"So, let me get this straight," Santana began, "Puck. Noah Puckerman. Man whore Noah Puckerman. The same Noah Puckerman who has, admittedly, had sex with just about everything in this town with a vagina-"

"Thank you, for that reminder."

"My cat has a vagina, does that mean-" Santana brought her hand up, cutting Brittany off, without looking away from Rachel.

"Puck is refusing to have sex with you?" Still looking down, Rachel nodded, "Why? I mean, what's the big deal? You two went at it right after we won Nationals." Rachel's face immediately took on an expression of guilt, "You did have sex after Nationals…right?"

"Uh-huh." She wouldn't look her friend in the eye.

"Berry…look at me." She shook her head in refusal and Santana understood why. She slammed her hand down on the table in frustration, startling the other girls, "Unbelievable! You mean to tell me, I had the imprint of Lauren Zizes' fist in my forehead for a week so you two could, what? Cuddle and talk about your feelings?"

"I'll have you know, my shirt came off that night…twice."

"Well, whooptie friggin' doo. Alert the _Girls Gone Wild _film crew, we've got a loose one on our hands!"

"I'm sorry Santana but I never actually said we-"

Santana narrowed her eyes at the girl and Rachel immediately stopped talking and waited. The Latina took a deep, calming breath, "Okay. Explain it to me…one more time."

Rachel still looked nervous but proceeded, "The night of Nationals, things got rather…heated, between the two of us."

"Did you try using the air conditioner?" Brittany asked. The other girls looked at her briefly then Rachel returned to the story.

"So heated, I may have implied that I was prepared to have more intense physical relations with him."

Without looking at her girlfriend, Santana could tell she was already confused, "Layman's for Britt."

"When I asked if he had a condom, he pulled away from me, and said he wanted to wait. But then, the next day, he went on and on about…" She stopped and blushed, "Let's just say he was very clear about what he wanted to do to me and how soon he would be doing it. Five months later and we still haven't…" her blush deepened.

"Had sex Berry, sealed the deal, bumped uglies, knocked boots, did the dirty, tapped that ass, not seeing nothing wrong with a little bump and grind. Aren't you the same girl who, a few years ago, was spreading the good word that we shouldn't be ashamed to spread our legs? Screaming SEX, SEX, SEX from the mountain tops...What changed?"

"That was when I was trying to get Finn's attention and I thought it would impress him. Besides, I knew he didn't have any idea what he was doing just the same as I didn't. But Noah knows how to do certain things and I get anxious and flustered thinking about what a more physical relationship with him would entail."

"Do you think, maybe not being able to talk about it, without turning the shade of Heather Samson's lipstick-"

"Total slut." Brittany added quietly.

"Is your problem?" Santana finished, "He probably thinks you're not ready."

"Oh no. I'm ready." Rachel disagreed, "I was ready well before we made things official."

"No kidding? Rachel Berry wanted to have sex with a boy she wasn't in a long term, committed relationship with. Gasp. The horror. Why don't you just forget Puck and skip straight to turning tricks you sex crazed hooker?"

"I don't appreciate your attempt at humor when I'm coming to you, as a friend…" She emphasized the word 'friend', "…in a time of great crisis."

"Well, if you can't get laid by Noah Puckerman, you're right, it is a great crisis. You want to know how easy it is to have sex with Puck…wait…I just did." She changed her tone when she noticed Rachel was getting upset, "Have you tried telling him what you want?"

"Yes. Many times, especially when we're already well on our way there."

"And?"

"He always makes an excuse to stop," She lowered her voice to impersonate her boyfriend, "Babe, your dads will be home soon, I promised the boys we'd hang out, I have to go home and help my mom make cookies for the Temple bake sale." She returned to her own voice, "Which, was really weird because we were actually at his house and I knew his mom wasn't going to be home until much later. Would you like to know how I knew that? She said so herself then winked at me right before she left."

Brittany offered her input, "Maybe he's gay. I hear it can be contagious." She looked worried and asked Santana, "What if he caught it from us?" She turned back to their friend, "I'm so sorry Rachel."

Santana was always happy to accept a challenge. Besides, after her and Brittany, Puck and Rachel were the hottest couple at McKinley…a fact that only the Glee Club acknowledged as the rest of the school continued to slushy them and call them freaks. Sure, they had their ups and downs, like last year when they broke up for two days just before the end of school because Rachel saw a Sophomore Cheerio flirting with Puck in the hall, while he clearly wasn't interested. Instead of getting pissed and cutting the bitch, she got really insecure and it led to a huge blowup when she told him she didn't know if she could accept his sordid past. By the way, who says sordid?

Things came to a head on the last day of Glee Club, when Mr. Schuester had everyone sing a song about their feelings…again. So she chose '_I Hate Myself for Loving You_' and he countered with '_Crazy Bitch_'. Then they both stormed out of the choir room, Rachel screaming she never wanted to see him again, and Santana knew the girl had roped Puck into another _Friends_ marathon when he replied, first by faking a sob, then shouting, "FINE BY ME!" Later that night, they walked up to Santana's house, to pick her up for Mike and Tina's end of the year bash, hand in hand, smiling, and sharing the kind of kisses all night that reinforced Santana's belief that they had, no doubt, had sex.

"Alright Berry. We'll help you." Rachel's eyes lit up and she smiled brightly. Before she could say anything, Santana continued, "But first, you have to say it."

Rachel didn't ask, she knew what Santana was telling her. She glanced around nervously then spoke quietly, "Sex."

"Nu-uh. Like you mean it."

Rachel raised her tone slightly, "Sex."

"I'm sorry, I thought you wanted our help. We'll just go. Call us when you're ready." Santana stood to leave, pulling Brittany up with her.

"SEX!" Rachel screamed, not wanting to lose her only chance at getting what she wanted.

"Sex with who?"

"Noah!"

"Noah?" Santana squinted her eyes, trying to recall who she might be speaking of.

"Noah Puckerman!"

"Altogether now." The girl motioned her arms like she was directing an orchestra.

"I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH NOAH PUCKERMAN!" And, at that exact moment, they heard the front door close. Rachel gasped, covering her mouth with her hands, eyes wide with horror, while Santana fought a laugh and Brittany looked around the room, unsure of where the noise had come from.

"Everything okay in here princess?" Dad appeared in the doorway, trying to pretend he didn't hear his daughter's declaration.

She buried her face in her hands, "Yes dad."

He cleared his throat and looked at the other girls, only slightly relieved that her statement meant that she hadn't, yet, had sex with her boyfriend. It was something he and the other Mr. Berry had been worried about for months when they caught him, dangling from her window sill, in his underwear, and their daughter draped in the shirt he had left behind, trying to act natural. The next day, they took her to the doctor for a birth control prescription, despite her insistence that they weren't even having sex yet. Yeah right. Like they'd believe that. Especially knowing Noah Puckerman's track record with the ladies. There's no way he wasn't…He stopped his brain mid thought and decided to change the subject, "You girls staying the night?"

"Yes, Mr. Berry." Santana replied sweetly, smiling up at the man, "We have a project to work on for school."

"Oh yeah?" He asked, sitting at the table with them, glad for the new topic, "What's the project for?"

"Health class." Santana replied and Rachel dropped her hands quickly to glare at her friend.

"But, Rachel isn't taking a…" He stopped speaking when he realized what she was trying to say. He stood quickly and, once again, changed the subject, "Have you eaten?"

"Not yet." Santana was now speaking for her entirely too embarrassed friend.

"I'll order a pizza then."

"Thank you Mr. Berry." Santana and Brittany spoke simultaneously, smiling sweetly at him as he left the room.

Later that evening, the girls were in Rachel's room, Santana and Brittany were sitting on the edge of her bed, Santana flipping through a magazine, and Rachel was sitting in a nearby chair with a notebook and pen in hand, "Okay. What's the first step?"

Santana didn't look up as Brittany answered, "Identify the objective and plan out the tactical maneuvers we're going to utilize in order to win the battles within the war. Because, not a lot of people realize, war isn't over with one quick fight. It's many small battles spread out over time. We should also establish a chain of command." Rachel stared at Brittany in confusion while Santana acted as if her behavior was nothing new. Brittany explained, "My dad only watches the History and Military channels. He wanted to go in the Army but one of his legs is two inches shorter than the other. Whenever they had to stand at attention, he would always lean to the side." She then leaned slightly to demonstrate her point and sat back up, "We should also pick code names because they're awesome."

Rachel tried to be the General, four star General mind you, but the other girls maintained that, since she'd be carrying out their orders, she was merely Private Rachel Berry, codename The Berry Crusher, at Santana's insistence. She was rather hoping for Tiny Dancer, a nod to the great Elton John but, since everything was decided with a vote, and the two other people involved shared a bed on a regular basis, voting never seemed to go her way.

Santana was given the rank of Captain since she would be assisting Brittany with the development of the plans of attack and helping Rachel carry them out. Brittany chose her codename, Santa because she was tired of everyone calling her girlfriend Satan and wanted a name that instilled joy instead of fear.

And, surprisingly, the brains behind the whole operation, Colonel Brittany Pierce, codename Mrs. Clause because well, Santana was Santa and it just seemed right. She refused to be a General since she wanted to limit the amount of power she held. Apparently, power goes to Brittany's head faster than, "a snack cake goes to Mrs. Wilson's thighs." All three girls then laughed at the misfortune of their pear shaped Chemistry teacher.

Brittany covered several plans of attack and her girlfriend perked up at the mention of the 'Booby Trap'. Rachel watched as Santana rushed into her closet, throwing clothes out over her shoulder, "Dog sweater, cat sweater, horse sweater…" She stepped out of the closet holding up another sweater and wearing a confused expression.

"Three toed sloth." Rachel explained, "It hasn't made its way into the rotation yet."

"One, it should never make it's way into the rotation and two, that you have an animal sweater rotation at all makes me seriously question this friendship." She went back into the closet and proceeded to throw more clothes out. She finally gave up and headed for the door.

"Where are you going?" Rachel stood quickly.

"I can't make this whole booby trap thing work with animal sweaters and school girl skirts. I'm running home. Be right back." And she was gone.

Rachel looked over at Brittany, who was now wearing the three toed sloth sweater, "I like it." The blonde stroked the animal on her chest and smiled at her friend.

Just before they left the next morning for school, Brittany put her hands on Rachel's shoulders and stared into her eyes, Rachel stared back, confused as to what was going on, "Be extremely subtle, even to the point of formlessness. Be extremely mysterious, even to the point of soundlessness. Thereby you can be the director of the opponent's fate…Sun Tzu." She walked away and out the door, leaving Rachel still baffled.

Santana repeated Brittany's actions, hands on Rachel's shoulders, "You can do it, put your ass into it…Ice Cube" Now, that she understood.


	2. Chapter 2

When the girls arrived at school, everyone stopped in the halls and stared at the transformation Rachel Berry had gone through over night. She walked in between Santana and Brittany, sashaying her hips more than usual, wearing tight jeans, heels, a form fitting, low cut top, and a bra that managed to simultaneously push her breasts together and up, making it appear as if they had doubled in size…Booby Trap. There would be rumors by the end of the day that she had a boob job and she was certain this wasn't exactly what an actual Booby Trap entailed but, judging by the look on her boyfriend's face, she wasn't going to point that out to her strategists.

Puck was leaning against a row of lockers, eyes wide, mouth opened slightly, as Sam went on and on about something probably having to do with _Avatar_. When Sam realized Puck wasn't listening to him, he scanned the hall to find out what his friend was staring at. He stopped his in depth explanation of the differences between the Leucomelas Viperwolf and the Wasp Viperwolf, his face mirroring Puck's, when he took in Rachel's appearance, "Damn." Maybe Sackleberry does beat KUBLAM! Without looking away from Rachel, Puck brought his hand up and pushed it against Sam's face, turning his leering away from his girlfriend, and smacking his head into a nearby locker.

Rachel maintained an innocent expression when she pressed her ti…no, Rachel hates that word…her chest against Puck's arm and smiled up at him, "Good morning." She did an inward dance when he was unable to form words and, instead, chose to stare down her shirt, gaping. Sure, he'd seen her mostly naked before, when they were alone and he was able to act on what he was feeling but still manage to stop before things went too far. But for her to flaunt her body in front of him in a crowded hallway…huge turn on…maybe even more so than when she was on top of him in her underwear.

She placed one hand on his cheek, bringing his face to hers for a soft kiss, then pulled away to let her lips linger just below his ear, "See you in Spanish." She continued to walk down the hall with a smirking Santana and mischievously smiling Brittany following closely behind her. What was so funny?

He did a quick pants check to make sure there was no evidence of his excitement on display before running to catch up to her, gently grabbing her elbow to turn her around, "Rach. One second. I have a Jewmergency I need to talk to you about."

Before following him into the boy's bathroom, Rachel shared a look with her friends and performed their new secret handshake that consisted of Santana discretely forming a circle between her pointer finger and thumb and Rachel quickly slipping her own finger through the hole. Yes, it was vulgar and completely out of character for Rachel but it was one of Santana's stipulations for receiving their help.

He pulled her through the bathroom door, locked it, then quickly checked the stalls to make sure they were alone. When he was finished, he rushed toward her, pinned her against the door, lifting her legs up to wrap around his waist, and claimed her lips rather possessively. She always liked it when he did that. Santana and Brittany were geniuses deserving of immediate promotions in rank a commendations. She allowed him to kiss her thoroughly and reciprocated just as enthusiastically, until the bell rang, then she let her legs drop, pushed him away lightly, and excused herself with another promise to see him in class.

It took him a while to recover before he was able to comfortably follow her out of the bathroom, already late for Spanish with Mr. Schuester. He walked in five minutes after her, earning the stare of almost everyone in the room as he took his seat next to Rachel. Why was she the only person not staring at him? What the hell was that about?

"Nice of you to join us Puck." The teacher stated, obviously being facetious. Yeah, he knows the word facetious. Rachel got him a word a day calendar in hopes of expanding his vocabulary beyond explicatives, yeah, he knew that one too. What of it?

Come to think of it, "No need to be facetious Mr. Schue." He glanced at Rachel, out of the corner of his eye, and noticed her breathing hitch. Vocab words were a huge turn on for his lady, which is why he spent every free moment he had memorizing every single page of the word a day calendar and even bought himself a dictionary, "I just got caught up practicing a song for Glee Club and lost track of time." He knew he hit the teacher's weak spot.

Will smiled, "Great. I'll look forward to hearing it in practice later. Sectionals are right around the corner." Shit. He then spent the remainder of class torn between thinking of a song to sing, staring at Rachel's ti…damn it…cleavage, that she managed to put right in front of his face, and trying to conjugate verbs into the future tense. When the bell rang, she stood before he could, and leaned down toward him placing her chest right in his line if vision. He forgot where he was until she kissed his cheek and said she'd see him at lunch as the classroom emptied.

"Right. Where do I go before that?" He asked, not realizing he'd said it out loud until she answered him, tilting his head up to look into her eyes instead of what was practically falling out of her shirt, lightly grazing her fingers through his mohawk.

She spoke quietly to him, as if it were a secret, "World History…" She kissed him lightly, "Then English…" Another kiss and they both allowed their eyelids to get heavy, "Chemistry…" One more kiss, slightly longer, "Lunch…"

"With you." He clarified after another kiss, her face hovering centimeters from his, teasing him.

She continued to speak into his lips, "Yes. Then you have a free period that I hope you use to study for your World History test next week…" Damn, only she could use seduction as a means to encourage healthy study habits, "Physical Education…" This time, after her kiss, she bite his lip gently and tugged before releasing it, "Calculus…" He tilted his lips up, expecting hers on his but was disappointed when she denied him, "Then we have Glee Club and, after that, I was hoping you could give me a ride home."

"I'll ride you." He knew he slipped up and so did she but she didn't let it show.

"That would be wonderful Noah." She smiled at him once more, giving him one last kiss, then left him in a daze, still staring at the spot where her breasts had just been. If he closed his eyes, they were still there. Thank God for Victoria's Secret and their superior bra engineering capabilities. Who needs rocket scientists who work for NASA when you have elastic and lace specialists?

The rest of his morning classes were agonizingly slow. Especially since he usually passed Rachel in the hall on his way to English but she was no where to be seen today. The morning was spent watching the clock in each classroom, tapping his pencil on his desk, bouncing his knee up and down and exhaling in frustration. From History, he remembered hearing something about the strategy Genghis Khan used to build his empire. Which was stupid because, when was he ever going to need to know anything about battle strategy in his life? Never. English was a complete loss as he spent the entire time thinking about Rachel, while staring at the back of Artie's head, and the only thing memorable from Chemistry was that he'd accidentally set his lab partner on fire (because he was still thinking about Rachel and the stupid promise he had made to himself) and they weren't even using the Bunsen burners for their assignment.

He rushed to lunch to find her sitting between Santana and Brittany, Mike and Tina directly across from them and the rest of the table filled with other Glee Club members. Where the hell was he supposed to sit?

Rachel smiled up at him, "I saved you a seat." He glanced around the table, confused as to how she could save him a seat when the only ones available were no where near hers. She stood and gestured to her chair. But, if he takes her chair, then where's she going to…Oh! He sat down and pulled her into his lap, noticing the look she shared with Santana and…what was that they just did with their hands?

Due to being perched on his leg and turned sideways, while she rested her elbow on the back of the chair, gently massaging his scalp, her chest was, once again, right in his face. She probably had no idea what she was doing to him but damn if it didn't seem like she was trying to pull his head into assuming the motor boating position. She continued to talk to their friends about who knows what. He wanted to listen but, didn't you hear? Her boobs were right there and he wasn't being shy about ogling them.

"Right Puck?"

Did someone just say his name? He looked up at the group, who were all staring at him expectantly, "Yes…?" Apparently, it was the right answer because everyone went back to their conversation. A few minutes later, her voice was in his ear again, quiet so no one else could hear.

"I heard you were late for Spanish because you were practicing a song for Glee Club this morning. I never knew you were so dedicated."

"I can assure you, I was extremely dedicated to what I was caught up doing this morning." He pushed a strand of hair behind her ear.

"And you said facetious."

"I did."

"Remind me of that later."

"Indubitably."

"Oh." They shared a smile and a brief kiss before returning to the conversation the rest of the table was having. Lunch ended entirely too soon and, after a smack on the ass to send her on her way, Puck was off to the choir room, for his free period, to figure out what he was going to sing later for Glee Club. Luckily, Blaine and Mike shared their free period with him and were willing to help.

In gym class he was hit in the face with a basketball because he wasn't paying attention. There was a bruise forming on his cheek and he figured he could tell Rachel he got in a fight defending her honor until Finn pointed out that the first four letters of 'Spaulding' were also imprinted on his face. Calculus was next and, he would normally skip it and go to the nurse's office but, since they got together, Rachel had been checking up on him to make sure he attended all of his classes. She even requested a copy of all his homework assignments to make sure he was doing those too. For all he knew, Rachel and his mother could have recruited the Jewish Women's League Of Lima to fill out applications to every college in the country on his behalf. He'd know for sure when the rejection letters started rolling in.

When he arrived at Glee Club, she was already there, sitting in her usual seat, legs and arms crossed, pushing her cleavage together even more than it already was. She smiled at him but it wasn't the same anxious grin it was every other day. Today, it was softer, flirty…sexy. When did she get so damn cool? It must be a side affect of hanging out with him. He took his seat next to her and she noticed his face.

"What happened?" She asked in concern, leaning toward him…Hello Boobs, and placing her hand gently on his cheek, just below the bruise.

"Kyle Stevens threw a basketball at my face. I heard him making inappropriate and lewd comments about how you're dressed today and I told him he needed to be more respectful." Double score, defending her honor and he used the word lewd. He knew she made a mental note of it.

"Does it hurt?" She lightly grazed it with her fingers. It didn't hurt but he winced anyway.

"It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't refused to fight him." He just pulled the hat trick. This was going to be a new record. If only he could work in something about Barbra Streisand.

"I'll see what I can do about it when we get to my house." She smiled suggestively at him.

He looked like a sad five year old, "Do you think we could listen to the Funny Girl soundtrack too? It always makes me feel better." She was actually beaming. It was the ultimate combo finishing move. If he was Sub-Zero in Mortal Combat, he'd totally be holding his dead opponents spinal cord right now.

"I think that can be arranged."

"Sweet."

Will walked into the room, sitting his bag next to the piano, "Alright guys. There's a lot of work to do for Sectionals, and not a lot of time to do it in. We have a title to defend and I intend on taking Nationals again this year." The group cheered, "Now, if I remember correctly, Puck, you had something you'd been working on."

Rachel smirked at him expectantly. Again…when did she start smirking? "Yeah Mr. Schue. I'm returning to my practice of only singing songs by Jewish artists. I've lost my way recently and I'm trying to be a better Jew by getting back to the music of my people."

Will got out of the way, offering Puck the floor as Blaine and Mike joined him and they performed a very impressive rendition of The Beastie Boys', "_Sabotage_" that had the rest of the club on their feet, jumping around and forming a non-violent mosh pit.

When they finished, Will clapped enthusiastically, "Well done guys. I can tell you put a lot of work into that." Sucker, "We'll keep it in mind for Sectionals. Anyone else?" No one in the group volunteered, "Alright then. Today, we're going to talk a little bit more about Hall and Oates." Everyone groaned because, just like fat is the new thin, Hall and Oates were the new Journey and Mr. Schuester was off and running about a mash up of their songs because, there was something very exciting to him about singing, "You make my dreams come true because your kiss is on my list." None of the kids understood and most of them didn't want to.

Glee Club ended and, for as slow as the rest of his day had gone, all too quickly Puck found himself on top of Rachel and attached at the lip, five minutes before her fathers were supposed to be home. Any other time, she's all about, "Please don't stop. We have enough time." But, tonight, she's Prudie McPruderson, keeping his hands from removing any clothes and stopping the make out session entirely by reminding him they wouldn't be alone soon. What was the point in her dressing the way she was if she wasn't going to let him take it off of her…then put it back on without crossing any of the lines he had told himself he wouldn't be crossing.

By the time her fathers got home, the teens were sitting at the dining room table, doing their homework. He stayed for dinner then sat next to her on the couch, while her fathers occupied their chairs, as they all watched some special on the Military Channel (Because it was suddenly Rachel's favorite channel) about Scorched Earth and how it served as a major turning point in several wars. He went home and had wonderful dreams about her wardrobe selection for the day.

Little did he know, the Booby Trap portion of the war the girls were waging against him was ongoing and lasted for several weeks. Everyday, Rachel would show up to school, wearing some top that was barely there and a bra that would make her boobs pop. And, almost everyday, he would give her a ride home, make out with her on her bed, where she would deny his requests at losing layers and stop, like she had set an alarm or something, exactly five minutes before her fathers got home. The girls had no idea that while they were fighting against Puck's self control, his self control was fighting a battle against his libido. For the first five months of their relationship, his self control came out swinging like a champ and knocked his libido flat on it's ass round after round. But, now, his self control was tiring out just as his libido was catching it's second wind.


	3. Chapter 3

Operation Booby Trap had it's final push at Santana's Halloween party. Rachel convinced Puck to come dressed as Han Solo. She was already going to be at Santana's, since the girls were getting ready there together. He knew, if she wanted him to be Han Solo, then she was probably going for a theme and would be dressed as Princess Leia. The house was packed with half of their graduating class, most dressed in costume, drinking, dancing, and yelling over the loud music. He made his way from room to room, looking for any sign of the trademark Princess Leia hair buns and was surprised to see them in blonde instead of brunette. What confused him more was the fact that Brittany was the one sporting the look, in addition to Leia's long, white dress from the first movie. Why would his girlfriend have him dress up to match someone else?

He continued to search and, the next thing he saw was Santana, also dressed as Princess Leia, but from the beginning of the second movie. Her hair was done in a braid circling around her head and she was wearing a white jumpsuit, vest, boots, and holding a blaster.

So, wait a minute…if Brittany was Princess Leia from Star Wars and Santana was Princess Leia from The Empire Strikes Back…then that means…he frantically looked around the house, trying to find his girlfriend, praying she wasn't dressed as Leia when she was in Ewok Village or in a camouflage smock. There was no word to describe the excitement coursing through him when he found her in the living room, talking to Blaine and Kurt, in the bikini inspired slave outfit Princess Leia wore when she was held captive by Jabba The Hut, complete with the collar and chain around her neck. He also noticed every guy within a fifteen foot radius was staring at her and stepped forward to mark his turf when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm going to ask you a question and, please, don't punch me in the face. How great is sex with her?" He glanced at Sam who was dressed as…Luke Skywalker? Was that a coincidence or was he now part of their weird Star Wars Fantasy? No way was he having anything to do with an intergalactic orgy that involved Sam.

"Shut up Evans." Sergeant Evans to you. That's right, he over heard the girls talking strategy a week ago and told them he could be of assistance due to his superior Call Of Duty skills. You don't beat C.O.D. on the Veteran level without taking some knowledge of warfare with you. He really wanted his codename to be Maverick, like from Top Gun, but Santana told him it would be Pac-Man on account of how wide his mouth opened to eat power pellets. Sam relented since Pac-Man was leaps and bounds better than Trouty Mouth.

"Just saying…Slave Leia is every guys bedroom fantasy. You sir, are a lucky man." He patted Puck on the shoulder and, as he walked away, Puck noticed him touch Santana's hand briefly. That was weird. Then he remembered Rachel and how she was dressed, and any other thought left is mind as he crossed the room to her.

She smiled brightly at him when she saw him coming, "Hey!" She spun around, "What do you think?"

"I think it's time to go." He put his hands on her waist and pulled her bottom half flush against his as he glared over her shoulder at someone, he recognized from his History class, staring at his girlfriend's ass.

"But the party just started."

"I really don't care about the party." He bent his head down to kiss her shoulder.

"I didn't buy this costume for it to be wasted."

He moved his lips to her neck then breathed into her ear, "Trust me, Babe. Nothing about what you're wearing is going to be wasted tonight."

She smiled at him, understanding what he was saying, "My dads are home."

"My mom's not." He angled himself to be able to place a string of kisses along her jaw, not caring who saw, but certain he could hear someone clearing their throat behind him.

She spoke with half closed eyes, "I'll get my coat." Then excused herself from her conversation with Kurt and Blaine, he forgot they were there at all, and went straight for Santana and Brittany. The girls shared a serious moment and Rachel nodded just before she touched both their hands too. What the hell was with all the damn hand holding?

Rachel was eighty percent sure he would have had sex with her that night but that wasn't the plan. The plan, laid out by Colonel Pierce, was that they wouldn't call a cease fire until he offered up his unconditional surrender, which meant one hundred percent certainty. When he had to go spend "Private Time" in the bathroom for several minutes, after she put a sudden stop to things, claiming her fathers were expecting her home soon, Operation Booby Trap was deemed a tremendous success.

They had two days to complete their next move, according to the Colonel, who had been waiting for the right moment to pull it out of her arsenal. After watching the five day forecast every morning since the declaration of war, not understanding how the weather people always just knew what the weather was going to be and deciding they must be "physics" and could see the future or something, she relayed the plan to her team and took the first day for coordinating purposes. It became necessary to bring in two more soldiers in order to get the Berry fathers out of the house. Claiming they wanted to spend an evening with a homosexual couple that had staying power and served as a positive role model for their generation, Blaine and Kurt asked the men out for a double date.

The newly appointed Corporals, Santana claimed they would have received a higher rank had they enlisted separately but, since they didn't, whatever power they would have held was split in half, were glad to accept the task once getting over the initial shock of the fact that Rachel and Puck hadn't had sex yet.

"But, he's Noah Puckerman." Kurt stated.

"That's what I said." Agreed Santana.

"He bumped into me in the hall the other day and I'm still not sure it couldn't be considered as sex." He continued.

For code names, they requested something classic…timeless…like Fred and Ginger or Frank (Sinatra) and Dean (Martin). Instead they were given Crockett and Tubbs then sent on their way, arguing over which of them was Don Johnson and which was…the other guy. It was put to a vote, after all, and more frequently, the vote always sided with Santana's choice.

Step one of the plan was in place, Rachel's father's were out of the house for the evening. Step two was implementing the tactic of 'exploiting prevailing weather'. The "meaty oralgist"…which Brittany thought was gross and had no place on daytime television, called for thunderstorms that night.

When Puck got the phone call from Rachel, telling him she was locked out of her house and needed his help, he didn't hesitant to spring into action. They hadn't been alone since Halloween and he was hoping she hadn't put her costume away yet. He didn't realize how bad the storm was until he was out in it and, when he pulled into her driveway, she was on her porch, her arms wrapped around herself, shivering in nothing but a pair of cotton shorts and a white t-shirt. A white t-shirt that was now see through since she was soaked to the bone. According to Santana, it was always a good idea to revert back to the Booby Trap.

"Sorry. I just stepped out for a second to get my cell phone out of the car and the door shut behind me." She gave him her best vulnerable, 'save me' eyes and was bouncing around, trying to warm up.

"It's alright, Babe. We need to get you inside. Is your bedroom window unlocked?"

"Of course. I always leave it unlocked for you. I tried to climb up myself but I slipped and fell."

He immediately examined her for any injuries, "You okay?"

"Yes. Quite alright. My backside broke my fall."

"Well, just to be sure, I'll have to take a look at it later. You know, in case something's broken." He smirked at her and she countered it with a smile and an eye roll.

It only took him a few minutes to get into the house then get the front door open for her. He quickly pulled her inside and shut the door just as all the lights went out with a dramatic flash of lightening and roll of thunder.

"Oh no. We must have lost power."

"I can go down and check the circuit breaker."

"No!" He didn't expect such a loud reaction. She lowered her tone, "I mean, it's dangerous to trifle with electricity when you're wet. And you, most certainly, are wet." She tugged at his shirt.

He laughed, "I'm sure it'll be fine." He started to walk away but was stopped suddenly.

"Ow!" He rushed back to her side.

"What is it? Are you alright?"

"I might have underestimated the extent of my injuries. My ankle is a little sore. I think it would be best if I got upstairs, warmed up, and propped my foot up. Can you help me get into bed and get warm?" She bit her bottom lip and looked up at him with pleading eyes.

Any thought of the circuit breaker was erased from his mind and replaced with the thought of warming her up in her bed. He scooped her up in his arms and proceeded to practically run up the stairs, stumbling a few times due to the lack of light, to her bedroom.

"I think I have some candles in my desk with a pack of matches." That were conveniently put there earlier this morning by her two favorite Corporals.

"Oh…okay." He didn't take the time to notice that no other house on the block had lost power or the fact that Sam Evans was sneaking out Rachel's front door, after having cut off power at the breaker box in the basement. Had he taken the time to look, he also would have seen Santana's car pull up to Rachel's house, as Sam quickly climbed in, and speed off down the street. Instead, he felt around in her desk until he found the candles and lit them, placing them around the room then turned back to look at her and gasped. He quickly tried to cover it with a cough because, badasses just don't gasp but, damn, she was beautiful in candle light.

"I know these aren't ideal circumstances since there's no television. My laptop still has some power to it. We can listen to music."

"Sounds good." He replied nervously. Nervously? He was Puck. Girls didn't make him nervous…but, this girl, with her hair all wavy from the rain, glowing in the light the candles cast around the room, wearing next to nothing. Yeah, it was ok for this girl to make him nervous.

She scrolled through her play lists until she found the one the team helped compile yesterday labeled 'Oh Face'. Soft, slow music filled the room as she made her way back over to him. She reached for the hem of her shirt and overexaggerated a shiver, "I can't stop shaking. Can you help me?" Hold on one second…candles, soft music, having him undress her…this situation was very close to bordering on sexual and he hadn't even kissed her once since his arrival. He aimed to remedy that and placed his hands on either side of her face, lowering his lips to hers. They felt ice cold against his and he realized she was still shivering. Slowly, he grabbed the hem of her cold, wet shirt and pulled it over her head, "You must be cold too." She suggested and he swallowed the lump in his throat, licked his lips and nodded in response. It felt almost wrong to speak. She repeated his actions, pulling his shirt off of him, allowing her fingers to graze the sides of his torso along the way. His shirt joined hers on the floor, "I read that body heat is the optimum way to warm up."

Well, he didn't want her to freeze to death or get hypothermia so he did what any good boyfriend would do. He allowed her to unclasp his belt, dropping his pants to the ground, stepped out of them, then pushed her shorts off of her. When did she start wearing matching lacy bras and underwear? Must have been a month ago when she stopped letting him take her clothes off. He slowly backed her up to the bed. It could happen now? Right? He'd waited five months and never had sex with Lauren, because he was so preoccupied with thinking about having sex with Rachel...so that's two more months…holy shit…had it really been seven months?

She lowered herself to the bed and scooted over so he could join her. Which he did, gladly, pulling her close and bringing her face to his for a kiss. It started out slowly then escalated thanks to the candles, music, and her roaming hands.

_But, the book said…**W**__**ho the hell cares what the book said? When is this moment ever going to present itself again? Isn't this the type of thing those stupid chick movies build themselves around? Doesn't making it special and memorable for her trump**-but, in the grand scheme of things, what you're doing will make it special for her…for both of you. **Shut up! **_It was the same argument he had with his conscience every time things reached this level between the two of them and, frankly, he was tired of listening to it. Seven months could be long enough. It was more than half-

"Noah." Rachel asked between kisses.

"Yeah?" They were both breathing heavily but not stopping the dance their mouths were performing.

"Did you just tell me to shut up?"

Shit! Did he? This is why it was always best to completely ignore the voice in his head than to even bother responding to it, "No, Babe…wasn't talking to you."

"Oh." That quickly, it was forgotten and their wrestling match continued. He wasn't sure how long they had been like that, limbs and lips tangled together under the blankets but her bra and underwear had managed to come off and his boxers were on their way to following them to the growing pile of clothes. That was until the power came back on, breaking the spell they were under.

While he was more than willing to continue in the new lighting, she took a moment to glance at her phone for the time, then faked a panic, since this was, of course, all part of the plan, "My dad's will be back any minute!" She pretended to move frantically, grabbing her undergarments and throwing them on before jumping out of the bed and reaching for dry clothes. Puck remained under the blankets, trying to think about baseball statistics and even his breathing when he felt a pile of damp clothes slam into his face, "Get dressed!"

"Still need a minute."

"We don't have a minute Noah! Get dressed and get downstairs!" Her bossiness required him to start over with the statistics because, damn if he didn't love it when she ordered him around. She rushed out of the room and he growled in frustration, while putting his still wet and very cold clothes on, then stomped down the stairs after her. She was in the kitchen scrambling to throw together something for dinner. Doing the best she could with what she had, she threw cold, left over Chinese food on two plates and rushed into the dinning room with Puck trailing slowly behind her. The second he sat in his chair, the front door opened and her dads, Blaine, and Kurt came through, laughing about something one of them had said.

After exchanging pleasantries with the group, and her fathers eyeing him suspiciously, Puck watched as Rachel walked Blaine and Kurt to the door, nodding as they whispered and glanced at him occasionally. Just before they went out the door, she reached for them. What did they just do with their hands?


	4. Chapter 4

_**In addition to Glee, lets add Boys To Men, George Michael, The Divinyls, TLC, and Robin Thicke to the list of things I'll never own.**_

To follow the success of Operation Lima Storm, Colonel Pierce brought her team together to discuss the next round of attack, "It's called the Shoot and Scoot." Brittany stated, as six blank expressions stared back at her. She rolled her eyes at their ignorance and explained, "You shoot then move away from that position to avoid counter fire." They were still confused so she went into greater detail on the plan. The small platoon, which now included Mercedes, since she could tell Kurt and Blaine were up to something and wanted in, listened intently to their leader. "Any questions?" Brittany asked, having finished giving the details of the mission, complete with a laser pointer and visual aides. She was getting pretty good at the whole Colonel thing. Maybe it was time for her promotion to General. Then, she could make everyone wear the uniforms she had already designed, force them to salute her in the halls, and finally declare war on the A.V. Club for making her ass look big in that Cheerios recruitment video they filmed a few years ago. Only several casualties were really necessary before the other clubs fell in line with her command…no, never mind…still not ready to be a General.

Sam raised his hand, "Yeah…why does Mercedes get to be Cleopatra Jones and I'm stuck with Pac-Man?" Forget about the fact that Santana promoted herself to Major and gave her Captain's position to the new girl. Sam was all about the codenames.

"Because, if she unhinged her jaw, she couldn't swallow the world whole." Santana replied, smacking him in the back of the head, "Now focus on the plan."

Ah yes, the plan. It would be a week long campaign that would require Rachel to avoid being alone with Puck. It meant making sure she was always surrounded by people on their team, avoiding lunch entirely, since he already knew she was willing to sit on his lap and couldn't pull the 'All the seats are taken so you'll have to sit somewhere else' card. She also had to set up a plan for after school, so he wouldn't try to drive her home or show up at her house late at night. Which is where Captain Jones came in handy when Rachel told Puck, "My dads are going out of town so I'm going to stay with Mercedes' for the week. I don't think it would be appropriate if we kept up with our after school activities in their home." Ok, so maybe her fathers weren't going out of town but, to avoid being a complete liar, she decided to stay with Mercedes' that week anyway.

"Then we'll hang out before you go to her house."

"No can do Puck-A-Roo." Mercedes explained, "My mom runs a tight ship. Once Glee Club is over, we have exactly twelve minutes and forty seven seconds to get home. She's timed the trip in every weather and traffic condition there is. If we're not there in time, she alerts the National Guard." Puck rolled his eyes at her, "Seriously, my uncle is a Lieutenant Colonel in the National Guard. She calls him and he orders his squadron to begin search efforts. Since Rachel's staying with us, she has to follow the same rules or she shows up as an amber alert on the evening news."

"Then you can stay with me. Mom won't mind." Puck almost pleaded.

"Well that would be wonderful. 'Dad, Daddy, would it be alright with you if I stayed at my overly sexually experienced boyfriend's house while you're away. Oh, no…it's not like that. We're not, nor will we probably ever be, having sex in the foreseeable future'."

"Baaabe." He complained, eyeing the other people involved in their conversation, knowing his rep was ruined if they knew he and Rachel weren't having sex, "Ix-nay on the no sex-ay."

"Santana and Mercedes already know Noah."

"But don't worry," Santana added, "We've kept the lie alive by telling everyone you gave Rachel Chlamydia."

Puck glared at the girl briefly before turning back to his girlfriend, "You don't have to tell your dads you're staying with me. Just tell them you'll be at Mercedes'."

"Going to have to stop you there again Puck." Mercedes chimed in, "Mom promised Rachel's dad's daily status reports. If she doesn't give them, they'll know something's up." There was a name for what she was doing to him but he was expressly forbidden from using it. Rachel was pissed when she heard him say it to his own mother, when they first started dating, and she barged into his room during one of their particularly more 'impassioned encounters', as Rachel called them. Give you a hint, it rhymes with Sock Clocking.

"Then tell them you'll be at Santana's."

To this, the Latina laughed, "I'm only allowed to stay at her house, and that's under the watchful eye of her fathers, since the accident at the community pool."

"We're seriously calling that an accident?" Rachel asked her friend.

"Until the state prosecutor can convince a jury of my peers otherwise we are."

Rachel looked up at Puck, "We're going to be late for Spanish. We'll talk about this later." She stood on her tip toes and gave him a quick kiss but Puck had other ideas. Just as she turned to walk away, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her back to him, causing her to slam into his chest. He secured her by placing his hand on her neck and his other hand around her waist. Before she could protest, he lowered his lips down to hers, showing her what a real, 'See you in a few minutes' kiss was supposed to be like. When it finally ended, he placed his forehead against hers and lightly grazed their noses together.

"What was that for?" She asked, still under the influence of the fog his kisses always left in her brain.

"Just wanted to show you how much I was going to miss you."

"Awwwww." Puck glared at the two girls behind his girlfriend then pulled away from her, allowing them to drag her off, down the hall, still staring back at him as she rounded the corner.

Puck wasn't happy with the arrangements, especially since he was just finding out about them on the morning of the first day she'd be staying with the Jones'. As if not getting to see her after school wasn't bad enough, he also didn't get any time with her during the day. After their meeting that morning, he walked into Spanish to see her sitting between Santana and Kurt, questioning whether Kurt had been in their class all semester or not. He'd never noticed him there before. Once they were dismissed, she was out the door and he didn't see her again until Glee Club practice. Even then, her friends had her so tied up in conversation that she didn't say two words to him before Mr. Schuester walked in.

He clapped his hands once then rubbed them together, "How about it guys? Have you been working on ideas for Sectionals?"

Santana's hand shot up quickly, "I have a song Mr. Schue."

"Alright Santana. That's the spirit. Come on down."

Santana stood, "Ladies." Puck wasn't surprised to see Rachel, Brittany, and Mercedes all stand and join Santana at the front of the room. They each pulled a stool up to sit in a line in front of the class, beginning the Shoot and Scoot. It started out innocently enough. Today, they were performing Boys To Men's, '_I'll Make Love To You_'. For the entire song, Rachel stared at Puck, undressing him with her eyes and, basically, declaring to all their friends, what she wanted to do…thus, the Shoot. Here he was thinking she had given up on pressuring him into sex…wait…she was pressuring him into sex? Since when did anyone pressure Puck into sex?

Before he could dwell on it any longer, Sergeant Sam leaned over to him, "I think she's trying to tell you something bro." Puck didn't acknowledge the boy and continued to stare at his girlfriend, allowing his mind to drift off, thinking about where things could have gone the night she was locked out of her house, then reminding himself he had to be more careful and stick with his plan.

As soon as the song was over, the girls sat back down with Mr. Schuester saying something about them harmonizing very well together but it not being right for Sectionals, suggesting '_Motownphilly_' or '_End Of The Road_' might be better choices. Rachel didn't look his way for the rest of rehearsal then said a quick goodbye before rushing out the door with Mercedes, preventing him from asking what was up with the Eye 'Making Love'. Shut up. 'Tits' wasn't the only word Rachel Berry didn't like and he found it was always best to avoid those words to remain in her favor. Their hasty departure was, as Brittany described, the Scoot.

The next day went the same way. He didn't lay eyes on her until Spanish class, where she was flanked by Santana and…Sam? He looked around the room for Kurt but he wasn't there. He's in this class…isn't he? She was a no show for lunch again then, when Glee Club came around, there she was, sitting in her normal seat, laughing at something Blaine had said. She said hello with a peck on the cheek, then went right back to talking to her friend. As Will walked in, Puck noticed Rachel touch Blaine's hand. He better still be in man-love with Kurt or else things were going to get bloody real quick. Besides, after five months with Rachel, he knew what she liked. A punch throwing Noah Puckerman was one of several things that got her from zero to horizontal in under ten seconds. It was right up there with recycling and musical theater on her list of turn ons. True, he had to take the extra time to separate his garbage and sit through performances of 'Wicked', 'Into The Woods', and 'Rent', but she was always very appreciative.

Apparently, Monday's song choice was simply the warm up because, when Will asked for Sectional ideas, it was Mercedes who raised her hand this time, signaling to the girls to join her at the front. He took a second to hope they followed Mr. Schue's suggestion and learned a tamer Boys To Men song. Hopefully not, '_On Bended Knee_', since it was his ace in the hole song to sing to Rachel, outside of her window in the middle of the night, of course, when he screwed up in a major way.

Puck's heart sped up when they began to sing George Michael's '_I Want Your Sex_'…Shoot. And, again, his girlfriend was singing right to him and dancing in a way that is very dangerous to do in a room full of people, especially when only five feet of space was what was stopping one of them from having his way with her on top of the piano, right in front of Brad. Hell, he'd probably like that. What did any of them really know about Brad anyway?

"_I've waited so long baby, now that we're friends, Every girl's got her patience and here's where mine ends. I want your sex_." He gripped the sides of his chair like a vice and tried to count backwards from one hundred in Spanish…Spanish…Rachel's in Spanish…love the way she rolls her R's…Shit! Try something different. Baseball doesn't work anymore because he just pictures her in his uniform telling him about how she doesn't just want to round bases, she wants a Grand Slam. Then he has to calm himself down from all the mental images the words, 'Grand Slam' trigger. He can't think about random facts from one of his classes because that just leads to imagining her as the teacher and him being naughty…in need of discipline. What the hell! What's the point in trying to think of something to calm yourself down when the calming thoughts are exciting you more than what's going on right in front of you?

"_Don't you know I love it till it hurts me baby. Don't you think it's time you had sex with me_." Stupid book! Stupid rock! Stupid time! Stupid Rebecca Schwartzman who moved to stupid Texas!

Almost over…almost over…"C-c-c-c-come on!" Mike and Sam gave the girls a standing ovation and, if Artie could have, he would have joined them. Tina, Kurt, and Blaine applauded from their chairs, Quinn stopped Finn from clapping and Puck was still frozen, staring straight ahead. For the second day in a row, a confused Will Schuester thanked the girls for their idea and politely told them it wasn't right for Sectionals. Rachel smiled smugly as she returned to her seat next to Puck, who was trying, unsuccessfully to calm his heart rate. A while later the club was dismissed and she was out the door with a simple, "See you tomorrow" and a wink…Scoot. Wait…tomorrow? What the hell are they going to do tomorrow?

On the third day, Mr. Schuester stopped the girls only a minute into The Divinyls, '_I Touch Myself_', not even thanking them for trying.

Quinn spoke up, "Mr. Schuester, I don't think any of their performances this week have been appropriate."

"It's called freedom of expression Quinn." Santana defended her troops, "Sorry to offend your virgin ears. Oh…that's right…you're not a virgin." Finn tightened his grasp on his girlfriend's shoulders, holding her in place.

"Daaaaamn." Tina elbowed Mike for his outburst and he simply shrugged because, "The girl speaks the truth."

"Alright, ladies. That's enough. And, girls, I agree with Quinn. You're song choices, for the past few days, have been a little inappropriate."

"A little?" Quinn questioned, "The other day, they were practically humping each others legs."

Santana stood and spoke to the group, "Look, last I checked, Glee Club was all about us expressing ourselves and our feelings. It just so happens, this week, we're all having the same feelings." She turned to Will, "If you're going to censor us, Mr. Schue, then maybe this isn't the place I thought it was." She crossed her arms over her chest.

Artie raised his hand to testify, "Preach sista."

Will exhaled in defeat then softened, "You're right."

"Mr. Schuester!" Quinn attempted to fight the teacher.

He held up his had to stop her, "But no more songs about touching yourself."

"You have my word, Mr. Schue." She raised her hand as if to swear her oath, "There will be no more songs about touching ourselves."

"And any songs expressing yourselves stay in this room."

"Deal." Santana sat down, touching several hands along the way. Before Puck could ask Rachel what had been going on with the girls that week, Will went into another rant about how wonderful, "I can't go for that cause she's a man eater" will be in competition. The club ended and she was gone without so much as a goodbye.

On Thursday, it was Brittany who raised her hand to perform and, again, the three others girls followed her.

"This is for my special lady." Brittany and Santana shared a smile before turning to face the rest of the club. Will slumped his shoulders in defeat, "_Take a good look at it, look at it now_…" Puck's eyes grew wide at the sound of TLC's '_Red Light Special_'. He assumed the position and wondered if there were dents in the edge of his chair from the rest of the week, "_Baby it's yours, all yours. If you want it tonight. I'll give you the red light special all through the night. Baby it's yours, all yours. If you want it tonight. Just come through my door, take off my clothes, and turn on the red light_." As she danced and sang to him there was a brief second where his brain was able to work properly. Puck realized that, even though Brittany was the one who volunteered the song, dedicating it to Santana, Rachel was the one singing it. In fact, she was the one who sang all the other songs this wee-His train of thought was derailed when he became preoccupied with thanking every God he could think of for the flexibility almost fifteen years of dance classes had given her.

Sam leaned toward him again, "Feel free to punch me for this one, but I just have to know…Rachel's a little bit of a freak in bed, isn't she."

Instead of hitting Sam, Puck chose to consider his words. A freak in bed? Maybe she was. She always put one hundred percent into everything that she did. What makes sex any different? Plus, she's a virgin so she has no idea what is and isn't normal, accepted bedroom behavior. He could shape and mold her…teach her. Then again, judging from the show she's putting on right now, she might be the one teaching him.

The girls finished their song and Mr. Schuester asked for any other volunteers as soon as he was able to get over the shock of what he had just witnessed. When no one else stepped forward, the rest of the club was spent practicing his new Hall and Oates/Kenny Logins mash-up because, "Are you ready for this? 'You're out of touch but I'm alright'." He smiled brightly, impressed with his own creation as the teens looked around at each other nervously. Oh well, when had he ever steered them wrong before?

It took the entirety of their allotted practice time before Puck's bodily functions had all returned to normal. But, now that he was calm, she was being pulled out of the room by Mercedes, with a promise to call him later shouted over her shoulder as she disappeared out the door.

Friday, Rachel volunteered for the group and the girls joined her, a chair sitting in front of each of them, "We realized what we were doing wrong Mr. Schuester. While the older songs are classic…" Since when were _'I Want Your Sex' _and _'I Touch Myself' _labeled as classics? "…they just weren't Sectionals material. So, we decided to go with something a little more modern." Modern?

"_Stressed out, uptight, overworked, riled up. Unleash what you got, let's explore your naughty side_…" Puck groaned, immediately recognizing Robin Thicke's '_Sex Therapy_' while Mr. Schuester bowed his head and covered his eyes because, today, there was actual choreography that involved chairs and moves that he could only assume they learned from a Carmen Electra Chair Dance DVD…not that he would know anything about that. If you asked the other guys in the room, they would tell you they were the luckiest chairs on the planet.

"_It's your body, we'll go hard if you want to_…" Oh God, "_As hard as you want to, soft as you want to. Just let me love you, lay right here, I'll be your fantasy. Give you sex therapy. Give you sex therapy_."

A particular move startled Puck. Holy damn! Where the hell did she learn how to do that? Hanging out with Santana Lopez was either the best influence ever on his girlfriend or the worst. Right now, he was trying to think of ways for the girls to spend more time together.

"_I'll lick you down, I'll make you feel like you're out of body_." Sergeant Evans would later report to his superiors, it was in this moment, that Noah Puckerman whimpered.

"_Just let me love you, lay right here boy, don't be scared of me. Give you sex therapy, give you sex therapy_." The song ended with the girls straddling their chairs.

"Oooookay." Will stepped forward, signaling for them to sit down, "Thank you for that…whatever it was. Any other suggestions for Sectionals?"

Rachel didn't have to worry about the Scoot today because, as soon as she sat down next to him, Puck was up and out the door mumbling something about having to go to the bathroom. The secret handshake was shared by the troops as, clearly, another battle was won.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Thanks to everyone for the reviews. Glad you're enjoying it…maybe a chapter or two left to go after this one. Smut makes me blush so I avoid being descriptive.**_

The Scoot and Shoot was later referred to as 'The Battle Of The Bulge' for obvious reasons. Although Rachel didn't approve of Santana's joke at her boyfriend's expense, she had to admit, it was appropriate. After leaving suddenly for the bathroom, Puck returned ten minutes later to sniggering from Mike, Sam, and Blaine. Since when did gay dudes start making fun of people? Aren't they supposed to be sensitive and shit?

He watched as Rachel practiced the choreography to their new number with the other girls, tilting her head back and laughing…like, really laughing…he loved that laugh, at something Tina said. It probably had to do with the fact that Hudson was on the other side of the room, flailing around awkwardly in his own version of the choreography. In that moment, he decided, to hell with it. If she wanted to make love to him, wanted his sex, to give him the red light special and sex therapy all night long, he was going to let her and he was going to let her tonight. It didn't bother him when Mercedes pulled her out the door at the end of practice, because he knew he'd be seeing her again very soon.

Not much later, Mrs. Jones opened the front door to see Puck, wearing a button up shit, a tie with the Star Of David on it, and his nicest pair of jeans.

"Good evening Mrs. Jones." He managed his most charming smile, "I'm Noah Puckerman." He extended his hand for her to shake and hoped Mercedes never mentioned their brief period of 'dating' to her mother, "I came to pick Rachel up for Temple."

"Just one second." Well that was too easy. It's almost as if she didn't care whether she came or went, "Rachel," She called up the stairs, "Noah is here."

A very confused Rachel Berry appeared at the top of the steps and slowly walked down to her boyfriend, changing her expression to suspicion, "Noah. What are you doing here?" He saw Mercedes peak around the corner at the top of the steps.

"Shalom Rachel." He smiled at her politely and didn't make a move to touch her in anyway. He actually kept his hands locked behind his back. Why was he acting so…so…respectful? "I hope you didn't forget our standing appointment to attend Temple together. I figured, just because your dad's weren't home, it didn't mean you would shun you're commitment to the traditions of our people." Traditions of our people? Bacon eating, Noah Puckerman who only goes to Temple for special events and the occasional Friday service that she and his mother drag him to, is talking to her about the traditions of their people?

Rachel looked at Mrs. Jones then back to Puck, "Of course not. I just thought you had such a tiring week, you'd rather forgo services in favor of getting some rest." The flirtatious look she ended the statement with told him her actions this past week were meant to drive him crazy and she was rubbing it in. He was so in love with this girl.

"Oh, no, there is nothing I'd rather do than worship with you." He returned her look with one of his own.

"I guess I'll get my purse then." She disappeared briefly then stepped outside, "See you later Mrs. Jones."

He moved out of her way and gestured for her to walk ahead of him before smiling back at Mercedes' mother, "Pleasure meeting you Mrs. Jones. Have a wonderful evening." He knew he was going to. Puck decided to continue the show and ran ahead of Rachel, to his truck, to open the door for her, but still never put his hands on her. She gave him a knowing smile as she climbed in and he shut the door for her.

He jumped into the driver's seat and slowly pulled back out onto the street, signaling and looking both ways first. When he was out of sight of the house, he put a considerable amount of pressure on the accelerator.

"Where we going?" Rachel asked in a flirtatious tone. Playing with the strip of hair at the base of his neck.

She had never seen her boyfriend more focused on the task at hand, gripping the steering wheel tightly and staring at the road, "Your house."

Uh-Oh. Rachel panicked, "Why?"

"Your dads aren't home."

Shit! She didn't like cursing out loud, but it was perfectly acceptable to do mentally. She quickly pulled out her cell phone and sent a text to Santana, '_Cover compromised…he's taking me to the Berry Patch…request immediate extraction_."

"What are you doing?"

"Telling Mercedes to let her mom know we have a Young Jews Of America meeting after Temple and we'll be finishing late."

He smiled proudly, "That's my girl."

Her phone beeped with Santana's response a few minutes later, '_Negative. The Colonel says it's time. Will run interference with BD's…Be safe soldier_.' Rachel gasped slightly, tonight was the night and she had no preparation for it whatsoever.

"What'd she say?"

She cleared her throat, "That she'd cover for us with her mom." He gave no response, just pushed the accelerator down until it had nowhere left to go.

The truck was barely in park before he jumped out and raced to her side. She tried to procrastinate by moving slowly, hoping to have more time to collect herself, but he grabbed her wrist and dragged her to the door behind him, while she struggled to keep up. As soon as they were on the other side of the door and it was shut, he turned and forced his lips onto hers, pushing her against it. Well, forced isn't the right word since she gladly met his enthusiasm with her own, tongues darting in and out of mouths, teeth biting lips, and hands tangling in hair and grasping at clothes.

He picked her up, wrapping her legs around his waist, and made his way up the stairs, stopping only briefly to push into her against a nearby wall, eliciting a moan and knocking a picture frame down. The crash from it hitting the ground startled them both, causing them to separate at the lip and look down at her fathers smiling up at them behind the broken glass. The distraction was only temporary though as they returned their gaze to each other and, as if they made the decision at the same time, went right back in to the ferocity of the moment, like it hadn't been interrupted at all. She'd waited five months for this, he could break every damn frame in the house if that's what it took.

Her bedroom door was shut and she soon found herself slammed into it, a little too roughly. It apparently didn't hurt badly enough for her to stop her attack on his mouth or from reaching behind her to turn the door knob and grant them access to the room.

As he made his way to the bed, Rachel managed to untie his tie and pull it off then attempted to unbutton his shirt before saying to hell with it and ripping the buttons entirely. Dexterity and shaking hands were not friends...not that she was nervous.

"So hot." Puck mumbled into her mouth as he worked her shirt up and over her head, throwing it on the floor with his shirt and tie. He dropped them onto the bed, mouths never losing contact in the process.

Meanwhile, outside of the 'Berry and Berry Accounting Firm', a Lincoln Navigator full of teenagers was parked across the street, with new recruits Tina and Mike, codenamed The Wonder Twins. Brittany watched the structure from the passenger seat, holding a pair of binoculars in one hand and a walkie-talkie in the other. Most of them were unsure of who had the other one…if anyone had it at all.

"I don't understand why they were brought on as Lieutenants and Blaine and I were only ranked at Corporals." Kurt complained.

"Because, they're Asian. They know math and kung fu, thus making them the superior soldiers." Santana explained.

"So racist." Mike complained to Tina.

"But we'll take it." She added as Mike nodded and they performed The Wonder Twins fist bump.

Santana pulled a laptop from her backpack, "Ok, here's a computer. We need you to hack into their security system and set off the fire alarms."

Mike and Tina stared at her blankly until he responded, "So…because we're Asian, we're supposed to know how to do that?"

Santana didn't reply verbally, she just gave him a look that said, 'Well, yeah.' and he responded by shaking his head at her and handing the computer back. Santana rolled her eyes, "The Wonder Twins are a dud…activate Plan B!"

"If I was Asian, I could do it." Kurt jabbed, trying to make a point that he was the more useful team member. Blaine patted him on the back to show his support.

Brittany spoke into the walkie-talkie, "Chariot of Fire, you're a go. Wait for my command."

"Artie gets to be Chariot of Fire?" Sam whined.

"Get over it Pac-Man or I'll take away your codename privileges entirely." Santana threatened.

Sam looked like he was about to cry, "Not even Trouty Mouth?"

"Not even Excrement of Trouty Mouth" Puck was rolling for days at the fact that there was a prim and proper way to say shit. He spent the week telling people, 'I'm going to beat the excrement out of you…What's up excrement for brains…I'm gonna go excrement." Any use of the word was followed by his hysterical laughter until Rachel was around. Then he used it in all seriousness and it resulted in them disappearing for an hour and returning looking disheveled and Rachel guilty, Puck with an excrement eating grin.

Sam decided to change the subject, "You know what we totally need? Those watches that you speak into."

"That'd be awesome." Mike agreed, "And trench coats."

"Trench coats aren't part of the uniform." Brittany said, more to herself than anyone else.

"We've got movement." Mercedes reported from the back of the vehicle as the Berry fathers came out of their office building, heading for their Prius.

When they reached the car, Dad sat in the driver's seat and started the engine, "Now?" Artie's voice came over the walkie-talkie.

"No. Wait for it…" He peered over his shoulder to back out of his parking space, "Now!" The second he began backing up, Artie was pushed out from behind the car parked beside them, straight for the Berry's…THUMP.

Back in Rachel's bedroom, the couple were down to just their underwear, and that was about three seconds from hitting the floor as well, still kissing with the same intensity as they had started with. Puck settled himself on top of Rachel, clenching an unopened condom in his hand, leaving a trail of kisses on her neck.

"Noah." He grunted in response, not stopping his work. She pulled his head up so she could look in his eyes, "I love you."

He brought his hand up and brushed his thumb along her cheek, "I love you too Rachel." With those words, the pace changed. Their kisses were no longer desperate and frantic, they were soft. The touches became more gentle and the whispered words changed from, 'I want you so bad, You're so hot, You're not going to be able to walk tomorrow (Puck was surprised to hear that one)' to 'You're it for me, I love you, For as long as I live, I'll never forget this moment.' The last of their clothes came off and they continued with their tender kisses.

"ARTIE!" Quinn cried, rushing to the boy's side in the parking lot as he laid, helpless on the ground, wheelchair tipped over, one wheel still spinning, "What did you do?" She screamed at the Berry Fathers. This was not new recruit Quinn Fabray. This was Co-Major (since Santana promoted herself) Quinn Fabray who had been involved in the plan from (almost) the beginning. Because, as was discussed earlier, "If Santana Lopez and Rachel Berry could be friends…then it wasn't unthinkable to imagine a more peaceful world entirely."

She had been sitting next to Rachel, at her dining room table, when she explained that she was unable to get Puck to have sex with her, keeping quiet most of the night and trying to think of a way to tell her she was making a mistake. In fact, before planning began that night, she stormed out of Rachel's, after they argued about the whole thing and said she wanted nothing to do with her friend crossing a line that can never be uncrossed. Santana said something about how she should have been more concerned with keeping things crossed the night she got knocked up.

The next day, Rachel and Quinn were partnered up for an assignment in English class and discussed things more civilly than the night before, since disagreements always escalate quickly when Santana Lopez is involved. They both presented their arguments, Quinn with why she should wait, Rachel with why she didn't want to wait and, by the end of the class, Quinn was on the team and given the rank of Co-Captain. She rejected every attempt Santana made at a codename, "Baby Mamma, Cheery-Ho, The Other Mrs. Puckerman, Teenage Dream, Never going to go to Malibu Barbie…" since she was Quinn Fabray and entirely too cool for codenames.

She was at Santana's Halloween Party dressed as Princess Leia, when they were in Cloud City, Puck just never had the chance to see her before he left with Rachel. She was in the back seat of Santana's car when they picked Sam up, after he shut the power off in Rachel's house during Operation Lima Storm. Hell, the whole power outage with strategically placed candles thing was her idea entirely.

It was also all part of the plan when she criticized the girls just the other day when they were stopped from singing '_I Touch Myself_'. They were expecting it to come during their performance of '_I Want Your Sex_' but Mr. Schuester surprised them and let them finish that one. What kind of teacher was he for allowing them to do that anyway? They agreed they had to step it up a notch and went home to Google every inappropriate song they could think of, flipping a coin to choose between '_I Touch Myself_' and Ludicris' '_Fantasy_'. They knew there was no way Mr. Schue wouldn't stop them during the two most important days (Thursday and Friday) so they staged a fight to make it look like it was his idea to let them carry on with their other two performances. Silly, easily manipulated, man. It was her mom's Lincoln Navigator parked outside of the Berry Father's accounting firm and it was her who pushed Artie out to collide with the car as they were trying to leave.

"I'm so sorry." Dad cried, trying to help him up.

"I can't feel my legs!"

"Oh God, it's Rachel's friend Artie." Daddy observed over his husband's shoulder, "I'll call 9-1-1."

"NO!" Artie and Quinn screamed at the same time.

"But he needs help."

"No." Artie replied, calmer, "I just need to get back into my chair." The chair that was broken and in desperate need of replacement. Dad and Daddy helped him into it, "Oh, no. The wheel is bent." Of course it was. It took Sam and Mike twenty minutes and everything from a hammer to a baseball bat to get that thing bent, "My mom's going to kill me."

"We can buy you a new one." Daddy suggested.

"Tonight?" Artie asked hopefully.

The men looked at each other, having a silent conversation with their eyes before Daddy answered, "Absolutely, tonight."

"Great. The nearest medical supply store that carries my preferred brand is in Columbus."

"Do you have any idea how far that is?" Dad replied, getting upset.

Artie feigned disappointment, "It's ok. We could get a lesser brand at the scratch and dent supply store. Maybe I can get a deal on a trade in. Hopefully they have one that's not all rusty...or covered in blood."

Daddy jumped forward, "You, most certainly, will not be going to a less than reputable store." So, that's where Rachel gets it, "We're go to Columbus right now to get you your new wheelchair. Quinn, will you be joining us as well?"

"Sure Mr. Berry. We actually came to talk to you about a surprise party for Rachel's birthday. We can discuss it on the way."

"I might get hungry in Columbus." Artie looked up at the men pitifully.

"We'll buy you dinner." Daddy added.

"I've never been to a Ruth's Chris Steakhouse before." If Artie had to throw himself into a moving vehicle for this plan, he was going to get a nice meal out of it. Maybe, if he played his cards right, Quinn would let him rest his head in her lap during the long drive, since sitting up too long makes his body all achy. At least, that's what he'll tell her anyway.

The team watched the scene unfold from the SUV, "You know, aside from Artie having to get hit by a car, Plan B really was the better plan." Sam observed. The others just nodded their heads in agreement as Santana climbed into the driver's seat to take them all back to the Jones' home to await a status report from their girl in the field.

The condom had been opened and put on with only one step left in the process. Puck looked down at Rachel, waiting for her permission. She put her hand on his cheek, "I'm glad it's you Noah…that I didn't waste this on anyone else. There's no one I'd rather give myself to completely…no one I'll ever give myself to but you."

She saw the rapid change in his expression as it turned to anger and he growled, "Damn it! I can't do this!" He tore himself away from her.

"What?" She sat up quickly, holding the sheet to her bare chest, "What do you mean you can't do this?"

"Nothing." He quickly started pulling his clothes on. Rachel noticed something fall out of his jeans but he picked it up quickly, held it in his hand with closed eyes for a few seconds, then put it back in his pocket, "I just…we should go."

"Noah."

"I'll be out in the truck." He rushed out the door, one shoe on, the other left behind on her floor, his pants barely pulled up, and his shirt unbuttoned. The whole scene was somewhat reminiscent of what she had been doing to him all week. Was this some sort of payback?


	6. Chapter 6

_**Sorry for the delay, it's been a busy couple of days. As always, thanks for the reviews.**_

"One more time." Rachel stood in front of her friends as they were spread out in Mercedes' living room. All of them were in shock. The one having the most trouble with her news was Santana.

"I've already explained what happened three times. The more I repeat myself, the more depressed I get." Her arms were crossed over her chest, feeling insecure.

"Just…humor me Berry."

Rachel sighed, "Everything was going so well. We were naked, he was…" She looked around the room uncomfortably, "…covered, then I told him how happy I was to share the moment with him and he just left saying he couldn't do it."

"Left you lying in bed?" Santana asked. The other teens observed the interaction as if they were at a tennis match between Venus and Serena Williams. Which, if you're their mom, which one of them do you root for?

"Yes."

"Naked?"

"Yes."

"Legs spread?"

Rachel blushed and glanced around the room again before answering, "Yes."

"And he was naked?"

"Yes."

She was even more baffled. Surely, the only explanation was that Rachel took the wrong boy to bed, "Noah Puckerman?"

Rachel rolled her eyes, "Yes."

"When you say he couldn't do it…you mean he…" She straightened her pointer finger then curved it.

Rachel's eyes got wide, "No! Definitely not. That was not an issue." All the guys exhaled in relief, glad they weren't going to have to have a telethon or something to raise social awareness and money for their friend because, that was a serious problem for someone their age.

Rachel realized a key member was missing, "Where's Quinn?"

Tina answered, leaning into Mike, his arms wrapped around her from behind, "Probably to Columbus by now with Artie and your dads."

Her eyes narrowed, "Why?"

"To replace the wheelchair they think they damaged when they ran him over." Rachel simply nodded in understanding. Noah Puckerman was refusing sex, nothing could surprise her anymore.

Brittany had been quite as Rachel explained, over and over, what happened. The plan was perfect, they crushed him in every battle, indicating to her that his surrender was imminent. How could it not have worked? She must have significantly underestimated the strength of his defense, a mistake she would not be making again. Brittany stood, determined, "This ends now." Everyone looked up at her serious tone.

"I agree." Rachel sat, defeated, "We tried and it was great of you all to help but, I think it might be time to just let it go. It will happen when it happens...if it happens."

"No. That's not what I meant. Don't be stupid Rachel." The small girl was shocked because, Brittany Pierce, calling her stupid? That just doesn't happen, "It's time for Shock and Awe." The room full of teenagers gasped, as if they already knew the details of whatever she was planning on doing.

Blaine asked with uncertainty, "Just for clarification purposes, what's Shock and Awe?"

"Complete and total devastation, destroying the enemy's will to fight, through overwhelming domination." She was kind of scary when she said it.

Sam wasn't sure he got the point, "Like…leather and nipple clamps?" Rachel scrunched her face up, hoping that wasn't where things were going.

"Domina-_tion_, not domina-_trix_. Right Britt?" Santana hoped her girlfriend knew there was a difference between the two because, no way, was Rachel Berry going to dress up in leather and crack a whip.

Brittany rolled her eyes, "Of course not domina-_trix_. We're not eating cereal. Besides, Trix are for kids. When you fight a war, you put away childish things." Kurt looked like he wanted to say something but a glare and a shake of the head from Santana stopped him in his tracks.

"What's left of my self esteem isn't up for continuing with our efforts Brittany." It was worse than she thought. Her, normally, upbeat, strong willed, over confident friend was breaking down…giving up. Not on her watch.

The leader of the team crossed the room and placed her hands on the brokenhearted girl's shoulders, the same way she did the first morning of the Booby Trap. Rachel waited to hear some profound Sun Tzu or Machiavelli quote, that she wasn't sure if Brittany even understood, but was surprised to hear, "What would Barbra Streisand do?"

Rachel gasped, "Babs?"

The rest of the group offered reassuring smiles until Kurt began to sing, "_I'm gonna live and live now. Get what I want, I know how_…"

The others joined in, only recognizing the words to "_Don't Rain On My Parade_' from Rachel's first Sectionals performance. Blaine knew it thanks to his love of musical theater but no one was really sure why Sam was familiar enough with the lyrics to sing along as well, "_One roll for the whole show bang. One throw, that bell will go clang_." They got louder, "_Eye on the target and wham! One shot, one gun shot, and BAM!_" They stopped suddenly and looked at Rachel in anticipation, waiting for her to pick up where they left off.

She lost the battle she was trying to fight against her smile, "_Hey Mr. Arnstein…Here I Am_!"

As soon as she ended the note, "At attention people!" The Colonel turned away from a startled Rachel to face the group, everyone sat up straighter. She spoke in a voice she had been working on since she was a little girl, sitting on her father's lap, listening to recordings of famous military speeches, "_We have before us an ordeal of the most grievous kind. We have before us many, many long months of struggle and of suffering._" Rachel was disheartened at the mention of 'many long months of struggle and suffering'. Hasn't she had enough of that to check it off the list and skip to the next step? Brittany noticed and returned her voice to normal, "Don't worry Rach, dramatic effect. We'll have you on your back no later than Tuesday." She winked and Rachel's eyes went up in surprise as Brittany returned to her speech, substituting words when necessary, "_You ask, what is our policy? I can say: It is to wage war, by _**mattress**_, _**janitor's closet**_, and _**my neighbor's pool when they think no one can see them, but, sometimes, San and I like to watch**_…_" The teens looked around at each other in confusion at her substitution for 'by land, sea, and air', "…_with all our might and with all the strength that God can give us; to wage war against _**Noah Puckerman**_, never surpassed in the dark, lamentable catalogue of…_" She turned to Santana, "What do you call it when someone doesn't want to have sex?"

"I dunno." She shrugged her shoulders, "Dating Rachel Berry?"

"Abstinence." Rachel corrected quickly, glaring at her friend.

Brittany smiled and nodded then returned to her impersonation, "…**abstinence**_. That is our policy. You ask, what is our aim? I can answer in one word: Victory. Victory at all costs, victory in spite of all __**self restraint**__, victory, however long and hard the road may be._" She looked at Rachel and shook her head slightly then resumed, "_For without victory, there is no survival. Let that be realized; no survival for _**Rachel Berry**_, no survival for all that _**Rachel Berry **_has stood for, no survival for the urge and impulse of _**teenagers everywhere**_…At this time I feel entitled to claim the aid of all, and I say, come then, let us go forward together with our united strength._" She returned her voice to normal once more, "Winston Churchill, 'Blood, Toil, Tears, and Sweat', May 13, 1940."

Mike stood and slowly clapped at Brittany's display as Sam jumped up with a renewed sense of vigor, "I am so pumped right now. I feel like I could jump a skateboard off the roof or eat fire or something."

An excited Mike swatted at his arm, "Dude, I have a skateboard in my trunk. We could light it on fire before you jump it off the roof." They shared a brief look then rushed for the door.

"You were not dismissed!" The boys stopped suddenly and everyone else stared at Brittany, terrified of her outburst. Her expression changed immediately and she turned, sadly to Santana, "Still not ready to handle the power of being a General." She hung her head in disappointment.

The meeting was adjourned, with the plan to regroup in the morning after the Colonel and her Majors (once Quinn returned from Columbus) had time to coordinate their plan of attack. Sam approached Rachel, placing a hand on her shoulder, "Rachel, I've been giving it a lot of thought. I've decided, if Puck won't do it, I'd be willing to jump on the grenade and have sex with you." Rachel quickly pushed his hand away and gave him a disgusted look. He smiled, "I'm joking."

"Wait." Brittany looked like she had the epiphany to end all epiphanies, "That's not a bad idea."

Rachel was offended at the suggestion, "I am not having sex with Sam!"

It was Sam's turn to be insulted, "First of all, you don't have to say it like you'd rather catch leprosy and have your eye lids fall off." He turned to Brittany, "Second of all, this plan feels as if it will result in me getting my ass beat."

Santana put her hand on her hip, "So what? Artie got hit by a car for the cause. We all make sacrifices."

"Oh yeah? And what sacrifices have you made for 'the cause'?"

"Where do you think the clothes she wore for the Booby Trap came from? They didn't just fall out of a slut tree."

"No, but your mom did." Sam regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth but he could never resist a perfectly set up mom insult. Luckily, there was enough distance between him and the girl that he made it to the door before she had the chance to throw the small lamp she had grabbed from Mercedes' end table.

Rachel was ordered to avoid Puck all weekend and, considering how hurt she was after the last time she saw him, it wasn't difficult to do. No calls, no texts, no late night visits. If he wanted to push her away, Brittany said he was going to deal with the ramifications of his actions. The group then wondered where Brittany learned the word 'ramifications' and if she realized she was using it correctly. For all they knew, she probably expected a herd of sheep to attack him for what he did. When a desperate Puck showed up to the Jones' house Sunday night, Mercedes told him Rachel had already gone home. He went to her house to see the limb to his tree, the only path he had to Rachel's room, since her dads imposed the 'No visitors after nine on a school night' rule, had been cut down and was laying on the ground, taunting him.

Did she break up with him? He liked to think that Rachel Berry was the type of girl to have enough back bone to do something like that in person. She did the first time anyway. Plus, he had no idea what he possibly could have done to be broken up with…unless…no, she wouldn't break up with him because he wasn't putting out. Would she? And since when was he the dumpee instead of the dumper in a refusing to put out situation? He tried calling her but her phone was turned off, then threw rocks at her window, and called her name until her light went out. He considering calling Mike to see if he had a grappling hook…Asian equals ninja…but that just meant bringing someone else into their personal business and that wasn't something he was willing to do.

The next morning, after missing out on hours of sleep, he showed up at the house to either take her to school or have her tell him to his face that she was done with him. Then he was going to fight with her, or grovel, until she was willing to take him back. He knocked on the door and Daddy answered, confused, "Good morning Noah."

"Morning Mr. Berry." They had an awkward moment where Daddy waited for Puck to state his intentions and Puck waited for Daddy to call Rachel down.

"Can I help you with something?" Surely, the boy knew his daughter wasn't here. They did communicate with each other, didn't they?

Act like we've done this before man, "I'm here to pick Rachel up."

"Santana picked her up about twenty minutes ago." Apparently, they don't communicate.

Puck thought for a moment then, "Did she break up with me?" He asked the man, hoping he had the answers.

"I don't know. What did you do?" He couldn't exactly tell Rachel's father that she was mad at him because he demonstrated TREMENDOUS restraint and stopped himself two seconds away from defiling his daughter. Well, he could, and it would probably score him major points but it would be at the cost of throwing Rachel under the bus and eliminating any chance they would ever have at being alone together…ever. Assuming she didn't break up with him.

"I'm not sure." Noah backed away from the door and walked to his truck, leaving Mr. Berry still wondering what had just happened.

He didn't see her before class and in Spanish she was seated between Santana and Brittany. He wasn't sure when Brittany started taking Spanish. Last he checked, all her teachers had agreed that she was having enough trouble with English that they shouldn't pile a foreign language on top of that. The best part? She was back to wearing those low cut tops and specially designed bras. Maybe it was her way of putting herself back on the market.

Screw this, "Did you break up with me?" He stood in front of his surprised girlfriend (?). Surprise was good…unless it meant she was shocked he was confronting her about it for their entire class to see. He fought the urge to stare down her shirt and, instead, looked in her eyes.

She calmed her expression, "Good morning Noah."

She didn't answer the question, "You didn't answer the question." No point beating around the bush.

"What would lead you to believe I broke up with you?"

"You've been ignoring my calls all weekend."

"I lost my phone. I believe it was sometime Friday night." She gave him a look that said there was a direct correlation between the events of Friday night and the 'losing' of her phone.

"The branch outside your window was cut down."

"It was rotting and Dad was worried about it falling and hurting someone." Sure, cutting a huge limb off her Daddy's favorite tree was a little extreme, and they were all worried when Sam pulled the chainsaw out of his trunk, but the whole thing went without much incident of injury. Artie couldn't use his legs anyway.

"Is this about what happened the other night?"

"Nothing happened the other night. Or have you already forgotten?" Yep, it's about Friday night. Don't girls like it when guys respect them and don't push for sex? _**Not when the girl doesn't want to be respected and has been pushing for sex for months. **_Shut up. The three girls narrowed their eyes at him and he wondered if he'd been speaking out loud again.

"Morning everyone. Hope you had a good weekend." Mr. Schuester entered the class, "Take your seat Puck."

"See you at lunch." Rachel added just before he walked away. So, she'd be at lunch today. Then they didn't break up. Or they did and she was just stating the obvious. He took his seat, realizing she still hadn't answered his question, then spent the entire class overanalyzing every word she said and every facial expression during their brief interaction for clues. After the bell rang, she was ushered out the door by her friends before he could question her further.

At lunch, she was surrounded again and he was very close to saying to hell with it. Not with their relationship but with his plan. It wasn't worth her breaking up with him over. He'd have sex with her in the middle of the cafeteria if it would make her happy. Girls like Rachel Berry don't come around often, especially not into the lives of guys like Noah Puckerman. He noticed there was a seat available across from her and took it, wondering if it was intentional.

She looked up at him with a faint smile, "How has your day been?" They're still together.

"Not great."

"Sorry to hear that." She wasn't that sorry because, just like that, she turned her head and continued her conversation with Sam. So…they're not still together? He watched her, not eating his lunch, as she laughed and lightly touched the other boy's forearm, then made fun of his long hair, running her fingers through it. Was she flirting? Right in front of him? He should beat Sam's ass right now. No, because if he was over reacting, and kicked Sam's ass, she'd be pissed and yell at him for not trusting her. He learned that one the hard way at one of Blaine's family's summer parties when he'd broken a guys nose for offering to get her a drink. Come to find out, it was just Blaine's dad being a good host. Oops. The bell rang for them to leave for class and she smiled at him, telling him she'd see him later. So, they didn't break up? Or they did and she was just the most friendly ex he'd ever had. He didn't exactly have many ex's to compare her to...not that there are any comparisons to be made between Rachel Berry and...well, anyone. Puck stayed behind, staring at her now empty seat, confused. He saw movement out of the corner of his eye and noticed that Brittany was still packing up her things.

"Did Rachel break up with me?"

Brittany looked around the room to make sure he was talking to her, "I don't know. Did she?"

"I have no idea."

She laughed to herself, "And they say I'm dumb."

"What's the deal with her and Evans?"

Brittany shrugged, "We had a sleepover a while ago and she kept going on and on about how she was the last virgin in Glee Club. Then Santana told her not to feel bad because Sam was too."

"That's bull. He told me, himself, he wasn't." Well, because he wasn't. But Puck didn't need to know that.

Brittany put her hand on his shoulder and gave him an 'I feel sorry for you' look, "If you were a teenage boy and every other teenage boy you were friends with, including Artie, had sex, would you really tell them you hadn't?" He never thought he'd say this, in a million years, but Brittany had a point, "When San tried to talk him into it, he told her his parents raised him to believe sex was special and to save himself for the right girl. I guess he and Rachel bonded over their virginity." She looked off, talking more to herself but loud enough for him to hear, "Which, is funny, because if I was still a virgin and I found someone else who was too, I'd think it would be wonderful to date them and, when the time was right, lose it to one another." Puck glared at the girl as she turned back to him, "Oh well. See you in Glee."

Later, he walked into the choir room and Rachel was already there, thankfully, Sam wasn't sitting near her. There was an empty chair between her and Tina that he assumed she was saving for him. As he approached her, she smiled up at him, "Hey."

"Hey." He sat down but didn't look at her. Two could play this game. Damn if she wasn't better at it though since she was now leaning across him, elbows resting on his thighs, arching her back, to talk over him to Tina. Taking the chance that she was still his girlfriend, he rested his hand on her lower back, allowing his fingers to just barely dip down the waistline of her jeans. She smiled up at him briefly before returning to her conversation. Still together! He knew there was nothing to worry about. His mood changed when she told the other girl about something hilarious Sam had done in their Trig class.


	7. Chapter 7

_**And now we find out what Puck's deal is…hope it was worth your time to find out. The song belongs to Christina Aguilera.**_

At the end of Glee Club rehearsal, Rachel requested Puck's presence in the auditorium, telling him they were working on a new number and she wanted his opinion on it before they showed Mr. Schuester. Sectionals were that weekend and Mr. Schuester was holding firm to his set list so he wasn't sure why they were still trying to add a last minute selection. But, if it meant her talking to him, he was more than happy to oblige.

If performing '_Red_ _Light Special_' and '_Sex Therapy_' were breaking out the big guns, what was waiting for him in the auditorium could very well be considered as calling in an full blown air strike. This was Step 4 of Brittany's plan because, "You can't just break through armor with one strike, Rachel. Well, unless it's really weak armor and you're in a tank. You don't have a tank? Do you? Cause that would be so cool. Where was I? Right. You have to chip away at it. I made a mistake in our previous attacks. Instead of continually weakening him, like I thought we were doing, we gave him too much time to recover between battles. Now, we're going to hit him with everything, all at once."

Step 1, make him question the status of their relationship. That way, he'd spend all weekend and all day Monday making deals with whatever higher power he believed in to make things right with Rachel. Step 2 would be to revisit the Booby Trap, hence the way she was dressed today and the way she wouldn't be dressed in a few minutes. Step 3, make him see he isn't the only game in town. Rachel argued that he was always going to be the only game in town but Brittany maintained it was just another way to weaken the armor since Rachel didn't own a tank. Step 4 was 'Shock' and it was center stage in the auditorium when he walked in, backpack slung over his shoulder.

Every girl in Glee Club was onstage. When did they start collaborating with one another without being forced to by Schue? It was…weird. They were dressed innocently enough. Ok, maybe jeans that were so tight they looked painted on and high heels weren't exactly innocent, but at least they were fully covered up top, in matching jackets, stopping any of the Jazz Band freaks from gawking at his girl. He didn't get how no one ever noticed her when she was wearing barely there skirts, and yet, throw a pair of jeans on the girl and let her boobs hang out, and every guy in school is turning their head. He groaned because they were pulling the chairs back out and he thought things couldn't get any worse for his situation until Rachel stepped forward, "_Come here big boy…_"

His eyebrows shot up. Say what? Is she moaning? The band joined in. Ooooh…nothing good can come from a song that sounds like that, "_You've been a bad, bad boy. I'm gonna take my time so enjoy._" Did she just…? It took him a moment to comprehend the fact that his girlfriend…his sweet, innocent, aside from the fact that she kept trying to have sex with him, girlfriend had just dipped it low then picked it up slow.

"'_Cause I wanna give you a little taste, Of the sugar below my waist, you nasty boy._" Wasn't that one of those simile, metaphor, analogy things? Whatever the hell you call it when you say one thing but mean something completely different…and why the hell was he thinking about what it was called when she was swinging her hips and running her hands down her body?

"_I'll give you some ooh la la. Voulez-vous coucher avec moi._" Voolie what? Why did he take Spanish instead of French? That was French, right? Make a mental note and Google it. OK, this isn't so bad. He can deal with chair dancing since he'd been exposed to it last week. No big dea-Holy Shit! Are they stripping? The girls slowly unfastened the fronts of their jackets, teasingly pulling them off their shoulders then back up. They finally let them slide down their arms and threw them aside to reveal men's button up shirts and he could swear, the one Rachel was wearing, was in his closet this morning. When the hell did she sneak that out of his room?

"_Oh baby for all it's worth, I swear I'll be the first to blow your mind._" Are they taking off their shirts? But, if they take off their shirts then…Sweet Mother…the girls unbuttoned their shirts then let them fall to the floor to reveal corsets of various colors and styles. He didn't take the time to notice anyone else's but Rachel's was black, cut high at the waist, showing a fairly wide strip of skin between where it ended and her jeans began, low on her hips and there were her boobs, popping out again. He noticed several wrong notes played by the band but couldn't tear his eyes away from Rachel long enough to see which pervert was staring and thinking dirty thoughts about his girlfriend…not counting him, of course. The idea of full blown Burlesque outfits was thrown around but the girls realized, Mr. Schuester or even Principal Figgins could have walked in at any moment, ruining everything at the sight of fishnets and garters and lace…oh my.

"_Oh, no, oh, there I go again. I need a spanking,_" They were turned away from him, bent slightly, holding the backs of their chairs, when they looked over their shoulders and swatted the ass of the girl next to them, "_Cause I've been bad._" He clenched his fingers around his arm rest and was sure, if he pulled just a little harder, seat 14B would be missing a comfortable place for it's occupant's elbows.

"_So let my body do the talking. I'll slip you that hot, sweet, sexy loving._" One of the arm rests finally came loose when she started to unbutton her pants. Thank God they're not broken up! They playfully pulled on their waistbands but never showed more than a sliver of their matching underwear before they shook their heads and wagged their pointer fingers as if to say, "No, no" and re-buttoned their jeans.

They finally reached the last lines, "_You better give me a little taste. Put your icing on my cake, you nasty boy._" That was definitely a simi-meta-nalogy. He gulped nervously as the music ended.

"So." Rachel asked, "What did you think?"

"I have to go to the bathroom." He stood quickly, taking the arm rest, and his backpack with him, positioned in front of his groin, and rushed out the door. The girls smiled wickedly, watching him leave the auditorium and spreading the secret handshake around.

Brittany lifted her watch and spoke into it, "He's on the move." Because, seriously, watches you could talk into really were a good idea and, since Quinn's dad felt horrible for abandoning the family, he gave his daughter free reign over his credit cards. In fact, his guilt paid for what they were currently wearing…and, maybe, a new wardrobe for Artie because, Quinn decided, he could be kind of cute in the right lighting if his mom wasn't picking out his clothes anymore. True, they'd have to have a long talk when the credit card bill came in about why she spent several hundred dollars at a store called 'Hussies and Harlots', but all she'd have to do is squeeze out a few tears and accuse him of leaving again because he didn't love her.

Step 5, Scorched Earth or, the closest they could get to destroying his recourses. He rushed to the bathroom for his regular calming down activities but was surprised to find a long line of guys waiting to get in, bouncing around.

"What's going on?"

"All the other bathrooms are locked down for maintenance. This one's it." Another student replied. Why were there so many people still here after school? Because they were ordered to be. Turns out, Brittany Pierce is kind of terrifying when she wants to be. Santana was seriously re-evaluating who the top bitch in their relationship was.

"Shit." He took off down the hallway, moving as quickly as he could in his condition.

Artie rolled out from a doorway as Puck rushed by. He lifted his watch to his mouth, "Headed for the locker rooms."

Puck thought the long walk would be able to calm him but he was pretty sure what was going on in his pants wasn't going anywhere for quite a while. Can you die from that? He rushed into the locker room, hoping to find it empty but, much to his dismay, Mike and Sam were there. Weren't they just in Glee Club like ten minutes ago? What were they doing in the locker room talking about the 'subtle' differences between _Jiff _and _Skippy _peanut butter? Seriously? He growled, getting their attention and glared at Sam then raised his pointer finger as if to say, 'I'll deal with you later' and turned right back out of the locker room.

"Back at you." Sam spoke into his watch then turned to Mike, "I'm totally going to get my ass kicked at some point this week." Mike simply nodded in agreement.

He passed down another corridor, not noticing Blaine and Kurt as they poked their heads out of a doorway, one up top, the other at the bottom, then watched him walk into an empty classroom and slam the door behind him. Kurt spoke into his watch, "Mrs. Tyler's room."

"Copy that." The Colonel's voice responded, "The Berry Crusher is making juice."

"Crockett and Tubbs moving out." The boys headed away from the room Puck went into, passing Rachel as she made her way toward where they had just come from, giving them the secret handshake along the way.

Step 6, Awe. Puck had dropped his bag and the arm rest and was doubled over the teachers desk, grasping something in his fist with white knuckles and his eyes closed tightly, trying to calm down. He was so preoccupied with his thoughts that he didn't hear the classroom door open and shut again.

"Everything alright?" He jumped, turning quickly to see Rachel, his shirt back on her but left unbuttoned, leaning against the closed door. He heard a click. Did she just lock them in?

"Fine." He didn't mean for it to come out several octaves too high.

"You don't sound fine." She slowly crossed the room to him, letting her hips sway more than usual. He backed up one step before his legs hit the desk and caused him to fall back on it.

He stood quickly, cleared his throat, and lowered his voice, "Fine."

She noted the fact that he was still having difficulty calming himself down when the front of her body pressed against his. She looked up at him, speaking softly, seductively, "You left before you could tell me if you liked it."

He didn't trust himself to speak but forced the words out, "Liked what?"

She let her fingers lightly draw designs on his chest, "Our song."

"It was…alright."

She pressed herself into him harder, "Just alright?" He shook his head, "Better than alright?" He nodded, "Sectionals material?"

"No. Definitely not."

"Oh, that's a shame. All that hard work for nothing. Unless, you enjoyed it."

"Enjoyed is not a good enough word Babe."

"Would you say you enjoyed it enough to do something for me in return?"

Oh no. He knew what she was going to ask him for and he also knew he was in no condition to say no to her. He had already made mental deals earlier with God, Allah, Buddha, Zeus, and Jimi Hendrix (Just in case Rock Gods count) that, if things were okay between him and Rachel, he'd give her anything she wanted, "Anything."

She was nuzzling his neck and, after sucking on his earlobe then lightly biting it, because she knew how much that drove him crazy, she spoke softly in his ear, "I want you to make love to me."

He knew it. I'm so tired. **_Me too. _**Just, stop fighting it. _**I agree…stop fighting it. **_It's what you both want. _**No argument here. **_What difference will four more months really make? _**None at all. **_It would make her happy. _**Dude, I already gave you the green light**_. _**Let's do this. **_He closed his eyes as she continued to trail open mouth kisses from one side of his neck to the other and answered in a daze, "OK."

She didn't stop her work and spoke between kisses, "When?"

"Whenever you want." He put his free hand on her waist, on the bare skin showing between her jeans and corset.

"Swear it." Her hands were now under his shirt lightly grazing along his back.

Still out of it, he answered, "I swear."

"Tonight?" He wasn't sure when she had lifted his shirt up but her lips were now on his chest.

"Right now, if you want." She smiled but kept her work on his chest going.

"That won't be necessary. Tonight would be wonderful." She guided him back until they reached a student desk, and pushed him into the chair, then straddled him, letting her lips hover just above his, "One more thing." She kissed him lightly but allowed her tongue to dart in then back out of his mouth.

"Hm." His eyes were still closed, under her spell.

She kept her lips just barely from touching his, "I want to know why you were so against this."

Why was he so against this again? Oh yeah, that's right, "Nothing. It was stupid." He tried to pull her in for a kiss but she leaned back.

"Noah." She warned.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Well I do."

"Did you ever think that maybe I just like cuddling?"

"You spent an entire weekend finding out what it was like to be without me." So, it was on purpose. Her manipulating and, now, threatening him shouldn't turn him on but it totally does. She waited but he made no attempt to share any information with her. This had to be a bluff. There's no way she'd break up with him for not telling her, "Fine." Or would she? Rachel climbed off his lap and turned for the door.

He had a flash of her with Sam at lunch and knew it would just be a matter of time before he was trying to worm his virginal ass into hers…well, not literally, no way Rachel Berry would be down for that. In a moment of desperation, he stood and blurted out, "I was re-virginzing myself for you!"

She stopped suddenly and turned, eyes narrowed in anger and confusion, "You were what?"

"I was trying to…" He looked down and kicked the floor, "…get my virginity back so I could give it to you."

"Is this some sort of a joke?"

"No." He looked up at her and spoke quickly, frantically, "When we got back from Nationals, I couldn't sleep because I was so busy thinking of all the things I was going to be doing to you." He noticed her blush, "I tried that sensory overload crap you told me about, when you were too focused on something, and couldn't get your brain to shut up about it. So, I turned on my stereo, the TV, and played my guitar. I think I was sitting on the remote because I ended up on one of those church channels but it didn't matter because I wasn't really paying attention anyway. Then the CD started skipping so I put down my guitar and walked over to the stereo and turned it off. It's like it was some kind of sign because, once all the other noise in the room stopped, there was this ad on TV talking about how special your virginity is and how some people give it away too soon. But there was a way to get it back."

"You can't just, magically, get your virginity back Noah."

"Of course you can't, which is why I paid $49.95 for the re-virginization home kit." Was he proud of himself for that?

Her eyebrows shot up and, in that moment, she decided to find whoever it was who scammed her boyfriend and took away months that they could have been using to do other things, then let The Berry Crusher loose on them, "Home kit?"

"Yeah, a book…" He reached into his backpack and pulled it out, handing it to her. She looked down at the cover of, 'Like A Virgin: Re-Touched for The Very First Time', "Cleansing bath salts." He had been taking cleansing baths? Not a terrible thought. Although, any bath she'd like to see him in would be anything but cleansing, "And the purifying stone." He opened his hand, since he was already clinging to it and showed her a polished stone. She took it and noticed, 'She's special' was written across it in permanent marker.

"You wrote this?"

"Yeah. They said to pick a mantra that you can use to rid yourself of the impure thoughts and write it on the Purifying Stone. You hold the stone, then repeat the words." She gazed down at the words he had chosen, suddenly feeling very bad about her recent behavior.

She looked back up at him, "And the waiting?"

"You're supposed to not have sex for a year."

"A year?" She practically yelled at him. She didn't feel _that_ bad.

"That's how long it takes the bath salts to completely cleanse your system of all the sex."

"And how far away are you from a year?"

"As of tomorrow, four more months."

She simply stared at him for a minute before completely losing her shit and smacking him repeatedly with his book. Once she got it all out of her system, she stared at him a little longer, breathing heavily, then finally spoke, "Is that all?"

He looked down, "No."

"What else?"

"You have to re-claim your virginity from the person you gave it to."

She put her hands on her hips, "And who did you give it to?"

He waited, not wanting to tell her, then quietly admitted, "Rebecca Schwartzman."

"Rebecca 'May the Schwartz be with you' Schwartzman because she was **with** every guy at 'Lights of the Menorah Summer Camp'?" God, she was hot when she was all fired up, "Wait a minute. She moved two years ago."

"Yeah, to Texas."

"Texas?"

"I have an address, I just need to finish saving the money for the plane ticket."

"Oh, I don't think so." She poked him in the chest…hard, "If you think I'm going to let you go to Texas to see that Spin the Dreidel whore, you are sorely mistaken Noah Puckerman." He didn't think it was possible for things to get tighter below his waist but they did.

"But it's the only way. It has to be done in person." He stared at her, then realized the problem, "You're not worried something is going to happen, are you?"

"What?" She looked as if she was trying to be offended but he knew he hit the nail on the head, "No."

"Yes you are. You're worried seeing her again will rekindle some weird mutual virginity losing bond-"

"She lost hers to you too? That's just perfect!"

"Rach, nothing's going to happen."

"You're damn right nothing is going to happen because you're not going!" Things were about to explode down there.

"But Ba-" He stepped toward her but, when she stepped toward him menacingly, he moved back.

"Don't you Babe me. You listen up." She pushed his book into his chest and he brought his hands up to catch it, "I'll give you your four months but there is NO WAY I'm letting you go to Texas to see that nafka!" She had to stop hanging out with his mother, "You can just do it over a YouTube video or Skype or something that doesn't involve any part of you being near any part of her! I wouldn't be surprised if she managed to give you some sort of VD through the webcam!" Clean up, aisle Puck.

"No, I thought about it and you're right. We're doing it tonight." Hell, if she kept yelling like this, he'd be ready to go again in a few seconds.

"The hell we are!" She held up the stone, "I'm special!" Then slammed it forward into his chest. He brought his hand up to catch it as she lifted her hand off of it and stormed out of the room. Is it wrong that he was more turned on from that then he was from her little show in the auditorium?


	8. Chapter 8

'_**Give In To Me' as performed by Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester, not Faith Hill. 'Love is a Battlefield' and 'We Belong' are Pat Benetar's. The merging of them flowed in my head but probably didn't translate well being written down…sadly, most things make more sense in my head than when they come out. **_

The next day, Rachel attended her regular morning debriefing, in the choir room, with her superiors. She walked in quickly as Santana, Brittany, and Quinn sat, waiting for her. In an effort to make things brief, since she found, the key to lying is to not be specific, she avoided eye contact and declared, "I had a lovely evening ladies. Thank you for all of your assistance." Then spun on her heel, making it half the distance to the door.

"Not so fast Berry!" Damn it Santana! Rachel turned back around, certain she was busted. The girls looked at her expectantly and she was relieved when Santana smiled and asked, "So…how was it?" Whew!

Brittany answered, "You know how it was Santana, it's not like you never had sex with him…Hey!" She looked around at the other girls after having a sudden realization, "Everyone in this room has had sex with Puck. We have so much in common guys."

"Right." Rachel held her head high. She had already come to terms with the fact that her boyfriend had, literally, had sex with anything in McKinley that wore a skirt and, thank goodness Coach Sylvester only wore track pants, because she wasn't sure she could ever get past that one, "Brittany has a valid point. I don't think any of you need details considering the circumstances. I'm sure it was all very similar."

Santana and Quinn looked at the girl suspiciously, "I'm sure you're right." Santana replied. Rachel turned to leave the room again, "Did you enjoy the elbow thing?"

She stopped in her tracks. The elbow thing? Rachel and Puck knew she was going to be grilled by the girls, so they spent all of last night covering the details of what sex with Noah Puckerman entailed. Of course, in order to give her the play by play, they had to go through the motions of it, learning things about each other along the way and stopping only a short while after their underwear had come off. It was then followed by a whole lot of stone holding.

"He did that with you too?" Quinn asked.

"Of course he did. It comes with the standard package." Santana rolled her eyes, showing insult to the fact that Quinn thought she was the only one on the receiving end of whatever the hell the elbow thing was.

"Elbows are awesome." Brittany added, staring at her own as she bent and flexed it, "They're kind of like knees, but on your arms."

It might be a trick question but maybe the explanation for what they were talking about was lost somewhere after her pants hit the floor. Her brain stopped working for a short period of time since they had come to the understanding that, various forms of foreplay should be allowed, as long as they don't actually have sex, "He must have removed it from his catalog of sexual maneuvers because there was nothing significant last night that involved his elbows or mine."

She didn't know how it was possible for Santana to narrow her eyes any more than she already had, but they were barely open at this point, "Well played Berry."

"Indeed." Quinn asked the next question, "The birthmark on his ass?"

They're definitely trying to trick her into revealing something. That one might have worked had it not been for their in depth study session the night before, "He doesn't have one." She answered smugly and damn these girls and their intimate knowledge of her boyfriend's body!

"Enough of this." Santana stood and walked to Rachel, staring straight at her, "Look me in the eye and tell me you had sex last night."

She tried, really she did and managed to get all the words out, "I prefer to think we made love." But, at the last second, she looked down nervously.

"Unbelievable!" Santana yelled, "There better be a good reason for why you didn't spend last night on your back Berry."

She bragged, "I never said I didn't spend the evening on my back. In fact, we tried several new things-" She stopped talking and cleared her throat at the glare she received from the other girls and mumbled something unintelligible.

"Excuse me?"

"I said…" She stared at the floor and spoke softly, "He's reclaiming his virginity for me."

The responses were different. Quinn's eyes were wide in disbelief, Brittany's brow was furrowed in confusion, and Santana was laughing hysterically, "No, but seriously. What stopped you? Because we had your dads distracted with a very long presentation on a time share opportunity."

Quinn looked down at Brittany, "It was really nice of your uncle to do that at the last minute."

"It's a scam." She turned to Rachel, "If your dads say something about a house in the Philippines, don't let them do it. It's a straw hut during monsoon season."

Santana ignored her girlfriend's comment, "So, what was it Berry? Did he back out again?"

"No. Brittany's plan worked perfectly. It didn't take very long to convince him that last night was the perfect night for us to make love."

"But?"

"But I had to know why he was being so resistant up until that point and he told me it was because saw an advertisment on television for a re-virginization home kit. It was, apparently, very convincing." She was met with blank stares.

"So…you're not joking?" Quinn asked and Rachel shook her head in response. After a few seconds, all three girls burst out in laughter.

"You have to swear you won't tell anyone! Noah would kill me if he knew I told you."

Santana answered through her laughter, "We swear, alright. Now, go. We're starting a 'No Virgins Allowed' club so your ass isn't welcome here anymore." As soon as she was out the door, Santana and Quinn ripped their cell phones out to set the gossip gears in motion.

"Are we going to have codenames for our club…and a secret handshake?" Brittany asked, already using her own hands to work out the group's handshake.

"Whatever you want Britt." Santana answered, not looking up from her cell phone.

Later, in Glee rehearsal, the kids were in their seats, waiting for Mr. Schuester to show up. Santana, Quinn, and Brittany were all wearing white t-shirts that had the word 'Virgins' written across the front, in permanent marker, with a red circle around it a line through it because, as Santana said, 'Whatever you want Britt'. Puck and Rachel were huddled close together, whispering, smiling, and sharing light touches, while the others just stared at them. Puck glanced up and finally noticed all the eyes on him, "What?"

Everyone looked away quickly and Blaine answered, "Nothing." When Puck and Rachel went back to their conversation, ever so slowly, one at a time, the eyes of the teens returned to him.

It didn't take long for Puck to figure out why he was being stared at like he had a third nipple. Which, he had seen once and yeah, definitely weird. Even with no strings attached sex being offered to him by the owner of the nipple, he was too freaked out to go through with it. He looked down at Rachel in disbelief at the fact that she had already let it slip to the others, "Babe, you barely knew for a day." She gave her 'friends' a shocked look. Puck changed his expression to one that said he didn't care what any of them thought and leaned back in his chair, "Whatever, I'm a stud. Do you have any idea how much control you have to have over your junk to not have sex with your hot girlfriend, when she's practically throwing herself at you on a daily basis? The way I see it, you guys are pussies for giving it up."

Rahel returned her gaze to her boyfriend, "The building anticipation is incredibly alluring." She smiled and gave him the kind of kiss that made everyone else in the room start wondering about reclaiming their own virginity.

When they ended the kiss, Mike asked, "So, no sex at all?" Finally glad they could talk about it.

"Nope, not for a year." Puck stretched out, as Rachel leaned into him, her hand on his thigh, head on his shoulder, and his hand playing with her hair.

"Wow. That is badass." Mike agreed in awe, wondering if he was capable of such a feat.

"Especially considering everything we put him through." Sam added.

Puck sat up as Rachel flinched, "What do you mean everything you put me through?"

The group turned and looked at Rachel to explain, "Well, Noah…I might have been so distraught in my efforts to seduce you," She added for good measure, "…on account of your extraordinarily badass refusal…"

"Damn straight." He added.

Rachel continued, "That it's entirely possible I went to Santana, Brittany, and Quinn for help."

"What kind of help?" He looked down at Santana and saw her grab Brittany's breasts, lift and push them together. His eyes widened.

"Booby trap." Rachel explained.

"So that whole time you were wearing those clothes…and the super sexy Princess Leia outfit…" Rachel nodded, unsure of her actions, "So, what did Evans have to do with this?"

"We recruited him…and Kurt, Blaine, Mercedes…" Santana listed.

"Tina, Mike, Artie." Quinn continued.

"My cat." Every looked at Brittany, "I brought her in as a Lieutenant Colonel. I needed someone to run the plans by before I shared them with everyone else."

"You mean to tell me, every single one of you had something to do with trying to get her into my pants."

"Wait…what were we doing in Puck's pants?" A clueless Finn asked. Quinn simply glared at him, exhaled in frustration, then let her gaze fall on Artie, who smiled up at her.

"That doesn't explain why were you acting all into Sam yesterday."

"We were weakening the armor." Rachel replied.

Before he could ask what that meant, Brittany added, "But only because Sam offered to have sex with her."

The boy held his hands up as Puck glared at him, "What? No! I was joking!"

"Didn't sound like a joke to me." Santana crossed her arms in front of her chest knowing Sam would think twice the next time he had the urge to talk smack about Momma Lopez.

"So, let me get this straight…you flaunted your body in front of me and every other guy in this school, made yourself look vulnerable and in need of rescuing, sang the most preposterously sexual songs ever," She made a mental note of the fact that he used the word 'preposterously' then realized she might have to get a Purifying Stone of her own, "…chair danced, flirted with another guy, and stripped, all to trick me into having sex with you?" He looked a little angry.

Rachel was hesitant and slightly ashamed of herself, "Yes."

He stared at her before declaring, "Holy shit Babe. That's the hottest thing I've ever heard." Then reached into his pocket, pulled out his Purifying Stone, and clung to it with his eyes closed.

She put her hand on his back, rubbing comforting circles then looked at the room full of confused teens, smiled, and shrugged, giving the only explanation she could think of, "I'm special."

"Alright guys," Mr. Schuester walked into the room, "...let's jump right into practice since we only have a few more days until we compete."

Rachel's hand shot up, "Mr. Schuester, we have a song suggestion for Sectionals."

The man looked instantly worried, "We?" The other girls stood and Puck groaned as Will very quickly declined their offer, "I don't think so." He didn't want a repeat of last week.

"I admit, our performances as of late have been rather…" Rachel searched for the right word but Santana helped her out.

"Slutty."

She didn't skip a beat, "Yes, thank you Santana. But this is a genuine idea that I feel you won't be displeased with."

He gave them his best stern, disciplinarian look, "No sex."

"No."

"No chairs."

"Promise." He reluctantly stepped out of the way, giving the girls the floor and was impressed enough with their song that, after putting it to a vote, allowed it to replace his Hall & Oates/Loggins mash-up. It was more suited for Regionals anyway.

That Saturday, the kids were clustered together, ready to go onstage. Puck was standing behind Rachel, with his arms wrapped around her, chin resting on the top of her head, as Will wrapped up his pep talk, "…Go show them why you're the defending champs!" He put his hand out, expecting everyone to pile their's on top but was surprised to see them casually touch each other's hands one at a time instead. Must be the new 'Pound It'. He'd have to have Finn teach him later so he could stay hip to the new trends.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, the 2011 National Show Choir Champions, from Lima, New Directions." The crowd erupted in applause. Rachel and Puck took their positions on stage, her in the middle and him off to the left side. They shared a smile, ready to perform the opening number because, once Will Schuester finds a dead horse, he beats the shit out of it. He already had their duet chosen for Regionals and was currently narrowing down their song choices for Nationals. The curtain raised during the instrumental beginning.

Puck started to sing as Rachel simply swayed to the beat, gazing at him with a soft smile, "_I'm gonna wear you down._" He slowly crossed the stage to her, "_I'm gonna make you see. I'm gonna get to you. You're gonna give into me._" He reached her and brought his hand up to cradle her neck, resting his other hand on her waist, then joined her in the swaying. She placed each of her hands on his forearms, "_I'm gonna start a fire. You're gonna feel the heat._" She closed her eyes as if she was anticipating a kiss while he brought his lips closer to hers. Instead of kissing her, he sang,"_I'm gonna burn for you. You're gonna melt for me_." He finished his line with their lips practically touching.

Rachel opened her eyes and gazed up at him. They continued their subtle slow dance then sang together, "_Come on, come on. Into my arms. Come on, come on._" They shared a smile, "_Give into me._"

His hand left her waist, lightly traveling the path of her arm, as she sang the next verse, "_You're gonna take my hand._" His hand finished it's journey to hers and their fingers tangled together. She looked down at them joined, as he leaned the short distance it took to reach her then let his mouth hover right below her ear and simply exhaled, knowing it always gave her goose bumps, "_Whisper the sweetest words._ _And if you're ever sad, I'll make you laugh. I'll chase the hurt._" She brought her attention back to his eyes and used their linked fingers to pull his arm behind her back. The move brought them closer together, still dancing, and allowing their foreheads to touch.

They sang together again, "_My heart is set on you. I don't want no one else. And if you don't want me. I guess I'll be all by myself_. _Come on, come on. Into my arms._ _Come on._"

Rachel sang alone, "_Come on._"

Puck echoed, lightly bumping her nose with his, "_Come on._"

They sang the final line, stopping their dance, "_Give in to me._"

While the crowd cheered, the rest of the group joined them on stage, all wearing traditional choir robes. Rachel and Puck shared a short, soft kiss, and turned to face the audience. They all stood, prim and proper, heads held high, and began to sing in a way that was familiar to church choirs with loud, joined voices. There was no band backing them up, "_We are young, heartache to heartache we stand. No promises, no demands. Love Is A Battlefield. We are strong, no one can tell us we're wrong. Searching our hearts for so long, both of us knowing, Love Is A Battlefield._"

The members of the audience looked around at each other, confused about what was going on until the band finally kicked in, playing a rhythm that wasn't exactly, _'Love Is A Battlefield_'. The teens unzipped their robes, dropping them to the ground and began their regular choreography. Santana stepped forward, "_You're beggin' me to go, you're makin' me stay. Why do you hurt me so bad?_"

Quinn was next, "_It would help me to know, do I stand in your way, or am I the best thing you've had?_"

She spun out of the way to make room for Brittany, "_Believe me, believe me, I can't tell you why. But I'm trapped by your love, and I'm chained to your side._"

Rachel sang the chorus, "_We are young. Heartache to heartache we stand. No promises, no demands. Love is a Battlefield_…_We are strong_."

The others backed her up by intertwining it with the chorus to another Pat Benetar hit, '_We Belong_', staggering the lines to make them flow with each other, "_We belong to the light we belong to the thunder._"

"_No one can tell us where to run._"

"_We belong to the sound of the words we've both fallen under._"

"_Searching our hearts for so long._"

"_Whatever we deny or embrace, for worse or for better_."

"_Both of us knowing_."

"_We belong, we belong together_."

Tina was the next in line, "_We're losing control. Will you turn me away or touch me deep inside?_"

Mercedes sang, "_And before this gets old, will it still feel the same? There's no way this will die._"

It was decided, because there were more lyrics then there were girls to share them, Kurt would join in, since he was always so adamant about being one of the girls, "_But if we get much closer, I could lose control. And if your heart surrenders, you'll need me to hold._"

They repeated the chorus, Rachel singing by herself first, "_We are young, heartache to heartache we stand. No promises, no demands. Love Is A Battlefield…We are strong._"

The group sang behind her, "_We belong to the light we belong to the thunder._"

"_No one can tell us we're wrong._"

"_We belong to the sound of the words we've both fallen under._"

"_Searching our hearts for so long._"

"_Whatever we deny or embrace, for worse or for better_."

"_Both of us knowing_."

"_We belong, we belong, together_."

They all sang the final line in a grand finale similar to 'Don't Stop!', "_Love is a Battlefield_!"

For their final number, Mr. Schuester chose a Beastie Boys medley featuring all the guys that included '_Sabotage_' (Since Puck, Mike, and Blaine had worked so hard on it), _(You Gotta) Fight For your Right (To Party!)_, and '_No Sleep Till Brooklyn_' (in his sly way of telling everyone they were headed for Nationals in New York again this year).

THREE MONTHS LATER…

"Twenty four days." It had become his new way of greeting her. Instead of saying hello, he'd give her the count of how many days were left until his year of cleansing was complete, like she didn't have a calendar of her own, that she used to cross out each day with red marker, at home…and in all of her notebooks…and a copy in her locker…and, ok, maybe one taped to the screen of her elliptical. Plus, she downloaded a Calendar Countdown app on her iPhone with an alarm set to go off to the tune of, "_I'm So Excited_" on the morning of the final day.

"Twenty five days, seven hours, and forty three minutes actually." She corrected him, taking her seat, giving him a smile and a kiss.

Tina grinned, holding Mike's hand as he stared straight ahead, miserably, "We have eight months and twenty seven days left." Mike grunted.

"It'll be alright Chang, the first eleven months are the hardest." Puck was being a smartass but he was also totally lying. The closer they got to the end, the harder it was to control himself and longer the days seemed to drag on.

"We're back to eleven months and twenty eight days." Santana admitted as Brittany hung her head in shame.

"Lady kisses lead to this thing she does with her thumb. I just can't resist it." She explained, "Please don't judge me."

Mr. Schuester walked into the room, "So, I just found out, the High School Show Choir Planning Committee has decided to shake things up a bit. Instead of having Nationals every year in New York, they're going to change the competition venue every year. This year, Nationals will be held in, drum roll Finn…" The boy patted the tops of his legs while Will built up the anticipation, "Dallas, Texas!" Rachel and Puck gasped and quickly turned their heads to one another, "Nationals are three months away." Three months? But he barely had one month of waiting left. There's no way she'd want to go two more months on top of letting him in the same room as Rebecca Schwartzman. He almost believed that until he saw the look in her eyes that said, 'We're waiting, you're doing this in person, and I'm going to stand right beside you with a vat of Lysol and a tazer ready in case the bitch tries to touch you.' Although, the anger she had the potential to show, being in the same room as Rebecca, would be super hot and, if they threw down over him, it'd be totally worth those two extra months of waiting, "We still have Regionals to deal with this weekend. Is everyone ready for some hard work?" The eleven teens who weren't shocked or fantasizing about a girl fight cheered.

"I'll take it from here Mr. Schue." Brittany stood, pushing the teacher aside, knowing if they were going to make it to Nationals, so Puck could take his virginity back from the girl he lost it to…hoping it didn't get misplaced or thrown out in the move to Texas…they needed a plan of attack and they needed to completely rethink their entire set list for Regionals. So what if they only had a week to do it in?

"Brittany-"

"Please, call me General." A very confused Will Schuester narrowed his eyes at her, "Alright everyone, listen up." The other kids straightened in their seats and paid very close attention to the newly promoted girl, "It's a little thing we like to call Guerrilla Warfare…"

END


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